I'm a Weeener!!

So today is November 30. Know what that means?? No?? *smack* It means the end of both NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo, you doofus!!

I've enjoyed both immensely this month and look forward to participating next year.. Especially since both were decidedly successful for me!! Yes. I DID do 30 posts in 30 days, and yes, I DID write 50k words in 30 days! Okay, okay.. I admit, my book is not entirely finished yet.. But it very well may be by midnight tonight if I keep going.. if not then probably by the end of the week at the latest. I only have another 2 or 3k to go. So yeah, here's my mondo boringo post for today.. slapped up here mostly for the purposes of completing NoBloMoFo and.. oh yeah.. so I can show of this!

Yay, me!

and this!

My Beautiful Puppy..

We were sitting around the table eating some hot soup and nibbling biscuits after J and KJ got some purty twinkly lights up on the front of our house this afternoon, and Eliana noticed a pet store ad next to her on the table. This ad had a lovely picture of a big fluffy dog with gray and white fur and a cute little red ribbon on its head.

"Ooooh.. a beautiful puppy! I want a beautiful puppy for my birfday!" she said delightedly.
"Oh, really," answered her father. "And what would you do with that beautiful puppy?"
"Pet it." Ellie replied very matter-of-factly.
"What else would you do with it?" J inquired further.
"Be nicey." she said decidedly.
"Would you feed it?" Daddy asked.
"Yes."
"Would you throw a ball for it?" I inquired.
"Yes... and pet it." she replied.
"Would you take it for a walk?"
"Hm.. yes."
"Would you pick up its poop?" always an important one for J.. priorities people.
"Yes." she said smiling.
"And... what would you do with the poop after you pick it up?" I wondered.. you just never know with a two year old..
"Pet it!" she said, smiling bigger.

Booger of My Eye...

On Thanksgiving in 2003, my husband rationalized that since my labor when I had Aidan had started at 3pm, and when I had Kieran had started at 9pm - 6 hours later - then, surely, my labor would begin at 3am with Torrin, our third son. We went to my parents' for Thanksgiving dinner, I picked at my food having very little room in my belly for anything at that point, and then we all went for a walk.. well, I went for more of a.. waddle. Seriously, I felt like I had a freakin' head between my legs... because I kinda did.

A couple days earlier I had been lying there in my OB/GYN's office, legs up in those awesome stirrup thingies, and she was 'checkin' me out' to see 'what was happening'. Well, I was over 4 centimeters dilated at that time. Yeah, as in almost half way there.

After some Pumpkin pie with copious amounts of cool whip and some hot de-caf coffee, we headed home with our 3 year old, Aidan, and our nearly 2 year old, Kieran. We tucked our wee bairns snug in their beds, and curled up for a restful night of sleep/pee/sleep/attempt to roll over/sleep/pee/sleep... yeah, you get the idea.

I woke up to a whopper of a contraction. I rolled over and looked at the clock. 3am. I wish I had a newborn picture of him to share with you.. but I don't even have any to enjoy myself. You see, I'm such a lame parent that I never even developed them. They are still on rolls of film. Nice.

Anyway, we hopped out of bed at 3am and called my mom to come over. She came, intending to have my dad take over after letting him sleep a bit more, so that she could join us at the hospital.. after all, she had been there for the other two boys' births. We were off on our way. Good thing there was no traffic.

They got us checked in in the hospital, hooked me up to all their retarded machines, and gave me a stupid IV.. even though I told them I did not and would not be needing it (yeah.. guess who was RIGHT). Once we were set up, we called my mom who informed us that Dad had not been real keen on the idea of rushing over citing 'She'll probably be a while anyway...' um, yeah, not with my track record. Anyway.. I shot him out (I'm not kidding.. he would have knocked my doctor over if she had not been ready), at about 8:37am.. all 8lb and 13oz of him.

Today, we celebrated his birthday with pumpkin pie for breakfast.. and a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's for dinner (and I'm even lamer now because I forgot to even bring my camera to either grandma's house for Thanksgiving.. or to that creepy mouse's pizza joint.. yay, me).

So here's to you, my little Punkin...

Thankful I am a woman..

If I were a man, I imagine life might be a little more expensive and A LOT more confusing... Case in point?

This morning, as I was finishing my shower and J was getting ready to go run to the store (no, no.. we're not procrastinators!!), he noticed that the toilet paper roll was empty. He opened the door of the cupboard under the sink to get some more t.p. out and..

"Awe, man.. We're out of toilet paper up here!"
"Are you sure?? We had a ton last I checked.."
"Well, I just looked and there isn't any."
"Hm.. odd. Okay, well I guess we'll have to pick some up. " (Notice I did not say 'Grab some while you are out..')

So I finished up my shower, dried off and wrapped my towel around me, and then I took a peek in the cupboard. Guess how much toilet paper was in there? 11 rolls. Yep. 11. Why did he not see them? The two that were behind door number one, were all the way in the back. However, if he had opened door number two? There was a package with 9 rolls right up against the door (close enough to not see it from the other side).

Of course, I see visions of my husband living alone, looking for his toilet paper and thinking 'Man, I swear I just bought some.. Where did it go? I guess I will have to buy more..'

Now, I know that this would not actually happen. (But still, it made me giggle.) Why? Because my husband is an intelligent man, and if he were living on his own, he'd keep better track of his t.p. inventory. But since he has a lovely wife around, he need not worry about such things.

So I am thankful for being a woman (my boys are also notorious for this method of 'looking for things')... and my husband? better be thankful for having such an awesome wife who always keeps the t.p. well stocked... even if he doesn't see it.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wordless Wednesday

It's coming...

10 Things Tuesday

10 Books on my shelf...

1. Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
   
2. Protecting the Gift by Gavin De Becker
3. How the Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill
4. Hard Times by Charles Dickens
5. Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
6. A Midwinter's Tale by Andrew M. Greeley
7. Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel
8. How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
   
9. Raising Kids Who Turn out Right by Dr. Tim Kimmel
10. Batman: The Dark Knight Strikes Again by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley

What are you reading???

The Boy Scout (Part 4)

Needless to say, Billy quickly won both games of pool that they played. Mary didn't mind much though, he was kind enough to give her plenty of pointers, helping her position her hands better on the cue, reaching around her and giving quiet instruction in her ear as she tried to focus on aiming at a ball. Not the easiest task with someone she was so attracted to literally breathing down her neck.

After two games, it was time to head over to the high school for the dance. They walked across the parking lot to Billy's truck, and got in. Mary had some trouble shutting the old creaky door as the temperature had dropped a little outside and it was sticking. Billy laughed at her a little as she pulled on the door as hard as she could and it did not budge.

"No," he chuckled, "you really have to pull hard." Mary shot him a cold look as she yanked one more time and the door slammed shut. She pulled on her seat belt and gave him a smug smile as she turned her nose up at him. He laughed again as he backed out of the parking space.

They went through the rituals of standing in line and posing for pictures before going into the dark lunch room with it's shiny streamers and thumping music. Mary felt a bit awkward standing in line with him.. surrounded by couples that had their arms around each other, were holding hands, or hugging.. Here she stood with a boy that she didn't even know how to talk to and who barely even looked at her. As the last couple before them finished their turn, Billy put his hand on her back and walked her over to the cheesy life raft scene that they had set up to go along with the 'Lost at Sea' theme. Mary smiled broadly as Billy stood with his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him and grinning at the camera. Click. *flash*

"What a handsome couple you two make!" Oh my gosh.. he just called us a couple! Mary liked the sound of that..

They made their way to the lunch room with the hoards of other teens all walking around the courtyard between the lunchroom and the gym, goofing around, laughing, and hanging on each other.

Neither Mary or Billy were real big on dancing, so they did a lot of standing in the back of the room, staring at the mob in front of the DJ's booth, not really saying anything to each other. They joined in for the slow songs, and for the goofy songs, and the rest of the time pulled the wall flower act or sat at the tables with their friends. Despite the fact that most people who saw them would have assumed their date that evening to be a total bomb and that they were bored out of their mind, they actually both thought it was perfect.

As the last slow song came to an end, Mary looked up at Billy in the darkness with the colored lights swirling around them. He looked down and smiled softly at her, she saw genuine affection in his face for the first time. He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips.

The lights came on in the room and Billy let go of Mary and took her hand, leading her out of the crowd back to the court yard. Once they were outside, they stopped to soak in some of the cool night air, relieved to be out of the stuffy room and crowd of sweaty teenagers.

"So, you need to go home right away?" Billy asked. "Or would you like to come over and watch a movie or something?"

"We could watch a movie," Mary answered. "Sounds like fun. My parents don't care as long as I'm home by midnight."

"Okay then," he said, his silly half smile returning. "Let's go."

Guest post by onlyaman

So I was driving by Starbucks today and I was thinking about last week. You see last week a Starbucks employee bought me a Starbucks Gold Card. Which was a super nice thing to do. They said "You spend a lot of money here, this will help you to save some..." I was thinking of how nice of a gesture was.

Almost a year ago I started going through this Starbucks drive-through. I went to the window and Mikel (Michael, but he has his own way of spelling it) was talking to me at the speaker. He asked what I would like. I was on a cappuccino kick and I wanted one but with less milk because they tend to be more fattening. He recommended a doppio macchiato, I said "Sure, I will try that." He then asked "What else can I get you?" I replied "a high five" and since then I have my high fives from my favorite Starbucks, I also have had Chinese fire drills, thumb wrestling, and many other silly events. Let's just say that most of the employees look forward to High Five guy coming to the drive through.

About 9 months ago, I started a tradition. I figured, why not spread the high fives around, so I buy my drink, get my high five, and I ask (now most of them know and look forward to it) the drive-though barista to put the person's drink from the car behind me on my bill, and to not give them their drink until they get a high five. I always wait for it, it's fun to see the smile on peoples faces. Not that it is important, but I have heard it has continued through 7 cars. How exciting is that?

Anyways, so the question Julie asked me was "Why do you buy people's drinks all the time? aren't you afraid you're going to go broke?" I replied "To me it's a blessing to be able to come to a Starbucks, I figure why not share that by buying coffee and bless others in that small way? Plus, they probably enjoy the high fives."

So thank you Julie for the sweet card. It was a kind gesture. If you see someone giving high fives at a Starbucks drive through, be sure to pull in behind the vehicle and see if you're getting that free drink, or start the trend in your town. Bless someone by a random act of kindness. (not random act of violence, those aren't so fun.)

Ok... this probably isn't going to compare to ChurchPunkMom's posts... but I figured I could post for her since her arm is sore from busting out about 7000 words...

Blah blah blah... oh wait, word count does not matter here. Make sure to tell your favorite Starbucks hello from high Five Guy.

-J-

The Boy Scout (Part 3)

"Mary!! Pho-one!!" Mary's mother called out from downstairs. Mary jumped up and ran down the stairs, nearly tripping on the entry rug in her rush to the phone.

"Hello?" she said breathlessly into the receiver.
"Hey," Billy answered. "You ready to go?"
"Yeah," Mary answered. "Of course."
"Alright then, I'll be there in a couple minutes."

Mary hung up the phone and hurried to the bathroom to check her face and hair in the mirror one more time. She adjusted her snug green t-shirt under her black hoodie, made sure the zipper was up on her jeans, and pulled her long auburn hair into a pony tail, leaving just a few strands to dangle down the sides of her face. She looked into her grey-green eyes in the mirror and told herself to calm down.. Just breathe.. what the heck are you so nervous about anyway?

Mary went back to the living room and sat on the couch while she laced up her black boots. The door bell rang and she could see through the window beside the door that Billy was waiting for her. She jumped up and walked toward the door tugging nervously at her clothes as she reached for the door knob. She pulled the door open and was greeted by Billy's usual smirk.

"Hey," he said casually.
"Hey," she said back.
"Ready?"
"Yep."
"Well, let's go then." he said as if he'd been waiting around for her all day.

Billy drove a beat up old 57 Chevy pick up. He had wanted one since he was a kid and had been saving up for the last two years so that he could buy one by the time he turned 16. He had big plans for that rusty green truck. He was going to fix it up - paint, new seats, the works.. but now, it just looked more like an old junker. The kind of truck that you questioned whether or not it even ran let alone if it was safe. He walked several steps ahead of her to the curb and then around to the driver's side. He opened his door and hopped in and was shutting his door by the time Mary reached hers. She pulled the heavy door open and climbed in, smiling at Billy.

"Nice truck." she said.
"Yeah, I know." he replied. "She'll look better when I finish fixing her up though." he said smiling proudly as he put the key in the ignition. The truck roared and rumbled as he turned the key. He sat back, enjoying the sound. Running was obviously not a problem for this vehicle. He put the truck in gear and off they went, bouncing and jostling down the street.

Mary felt awkward and a little uncomfortable. She was happy to be with Billy, but just didn't know what to say as they rode along. He was so quiet, and she was no good at small talk. She looked around at the truck's interior - it was worn, but clean. The vinyl seats had lots of rips and tears in them, white stuffing sticking out here and there, and the dash had many scratches along with a couple missing knobs. There was a pair of pliers bouncing on the threadbare carpet floor. She could see him glance at her now and then out of the corner of his eye.

"So," Mary said quietly, "do you play pool often?" They were on their way to have a game of pool before going to the dance at the school.

"Yeah," Billy answered. "Well, we have a pool table at home.. actually, I have one in my room. So, I guess I play quite a bit.. You play much?"

"Not really," Mary said. "I go out with my brother and his friends now and then.. you have a pool table in your room??"

"Yep," he said, looking at her and smiling. "Maybe you can come over and see it sometime."

"Sounds like fun," she said, smiling back. "I could sure use the practice, I'm not all that good."

"Well, I'm sure I could help you with that." he said, smiling bigger. Mary blushed a little.

Mary just wasn't sure what to expect from this boy at all. She knew that he went to church with one of her friends from band, she'd heard he was in Boy Scouts, and she knew that he hung out now and then with her brother and his girlfriend. Half the time, when he would talk to her, she wasn't sure if he was just being friendly or if he had some alterior motives.. For the most part, she just assumed he was being friendly.

beginnings and endings..

I have hundreds of beginnings
trapped inside my head
give me time to write them down
so they can all be read
we can spin ourselves a story,
watch beginnings turn to endings
appreciate life's rhythm
while time and space we're bending
stop and look and listen
love and sorrow you will see
you can't know who you are
until you know who you will be

The Boy Scout (Part 2)

The bell rang and everyone in the band room began to stir in their seats.

"That's my signal, not yours," Mr. Ownes bellowed into the room.

The noise silenced and everyone sat, waiting. Mr. Owens stood looking at them for a moment, enjoying the silence.

"You may go," he said, finally, and they burst into their usual scuffle hurrying to put away their music and instruments so that they could get to their next classes on time. The band room was at the far edge of the campus, on the opposite side of the courtyard and lunch room from everything else. Band members were notorious for being late to their third period classes. Their teachers understood this and most just put up with it in silent annoyance, while others would continually reprimand the students.. those students were frequently seen running across the courtyard in a race against the tardy bell, back packs pounding ruthlessly against their bodies.

Mary took apart her clarinet and placed each piece in the case after wiping them. She put her music back in her folder and carried her things to her locker, glancing occasionally across the room at Billy who was also disassembling his trombone and packing up his things. Mary put her folder and clarinet in her locker and pulled out her French book and math book and put them in her back pack. She pulled her green back pack on to her shoulders over her red cardigan sweater and buttoned her sweater over her white blouse. Smoothing her plaid skirt again, she looked down to make sure her black boots were tied and then turned around to see Billy and Sam headed her way, the familiar smirk on Billy's face made her smile nervously.

"Hey," Mary said shyly.
"Hey," said Sam.
"Hi," answered Billy flatly.
"So, um.. Billy?" Mary stammered.
"Yeah," he answered, his smirk nearly turning into a laugh. She felt so childish and unsure of herself around him, her heart started pounding. She was intimidated, but it wasn't going to stop her.
"Uh.. You going to the dance with anyone?" she asked.
"The Sadie Hawkins?" he answered. "Haven't been asked yet."
"Well.. um.." come on, Mary.. just do it.. "You want to go with me?"
"Nope." he said, smiling and waiting for her reaction.

Her face flushed and she took a deep breath. Oh, good grief.. I knew this was a mistake.. She was about to turn away and he spoke up again. "I'm just messing with you," he said, laughing a little. "Sure, I'll go with you." He looked at Sam and they laughed again. "I totally knew you were going to ask me.. sorry for playing a joke on you.. you still want to go with me?" That smirk just wouldn't go away. It was like he was toying with her, mocking the fact that he could see she'd be upset by his rejection. He could see the affect he had on her and was being a manipulative prick.

"Yeah, of course," she said. "But only if you promise not to be an asshole," she smiled coyly at him.
"Okay," he said, laughing again. "I'll do my best."

Wordless Wednesday

For Pamela..

10 Things Tuesday

10 things I will look back on and find funny but are decidedly unfunny today...

1. Eliana refusing to wear pants OR a diaper only minutes before expecting our home school assistance teacher to arrive.
2. the boys misunderstanding my instructions and taking the garbage down to the cans at the curb rather than bringing the cans in before putting the trash in them.
3. having to AGAIN tell my boys that they will not be allowed to go to church tomorrow night if they don't listen to me.
4. the fact that when Torrin fights with his sister, he gets so mad he has to pee.. and sometimes does it in his pants.
   
5. the way Jo shakes her head any time I offer her food
6. the way Jo signs milk whenever she sees me because she wants to nurse... AGAIN.
7. Torrin blowing his nose in his fingers.. without a tissue
8. Aidan and Kieran giving themselves beards and mustaches with sharpies.
9. Eliana stealing my mp3 player when I'm trying to use it to drown out the noise of the kids.
10. having to play peek-a-boo with Jo while I'm on the toilet to keep her from wailing the whole time.
    

The Boy Scout (Part 1)

She loved his long hair.

Mary didn't know Billy very well, but he was someone who she'd been watching very closely for quite some time now. To say she was attracted to him would be a bit of an understatement. She was intrigued by him, drawn to him, and felt almost connected to him in spite of the fact that she was pretty sure he didn't even know her name.

She watched him from across the band room as he raised his trombone to his lips. She looked again at the sheet of music in front of her, marking the time with her foot, not wanting to come in late on her part. The last thing she needed was the director teasing her about staring at the boy across the room instead of watching him. She knew he always noticed.

She raised her clarinet to her lips as her rest ended and blew a little warm air into the instrument before coming in, right on cue, with her eyes on the director. Mr. Owens had just started a couple years ago and was doing a bang up job bringing the school's band back to life after a decade of hibernation. She softly let out the melody line of Sleeper's Awake as Mr. Owens leaned slightly toward the clarinet section and motioned for them to take the reigns.

I'm going to do it. Mary thought to herself. I'm going to ask Billy to the dance. What's the worst that could happen? He could say no? Whoopee. She was on the rebound, so to speak. Sure, she'd had her eye on Billy for some time now, but she'd had other eyes.. and hands.. on her. After she had been 'caught in the act' by her parents with her last boyfriend, Dan, a few months earlier, the shit had seriously hit the fan. She'd only been off restriction for a few weeks now and hadn't seen Dan for over a month. He'd started home studies, but was spending almost as much time wandering the streets and buying his dad's pot as he was cracking books.

Mary knew Billy was the kind of boy her parents would love to see her dating. He was a good kid. Very straight laced, good grades, didn't get in trouble.. all of that. But he was still good looking, and seemed to know how to have fun. Seemed to from the account of her friends that had hung out with him.

As the song ended and Mary lay her clarinet back across her lap, she looked again away from Mr. Owens to Billy across the room. She caught his eyes on her and quickly looked down at her lap, smoothing her plaid skirt over her black tights. Was he seriously just looking at me?? Her heart skipped a beat. Maybe I have a better chance than I thought. She looked up again and saw that he was still looking at her, grinning at her after catching her watching him yet again. He grabbed a rubber band off his music stand after laying his trombone on the floor beside his chair and pulled his long brown hair back into a pony tail at the base of his neck. His blue eyes met hers again as he leaned over to whisper in Sam's ear. Sam then looked at Mary and chuckled.

Oh, geez... Mary thought.. I am such a loser..

Back Seat Humor

So I went to a NaNoWriMo write in this afternoon. J was kind enough (the man is a saint, I tell you) to take the kids and run errands while I sat in a cushy coffee shop arm chair and alternated between scribbling in my comp books and assaulting my keyboard. He had to go pick up some soccer crap.. er, I mean, futbol gear.. since he's now playing goalie due to the demise of the previous goalie's foot. He better not hurt himself.

So he headed over to the wonderful world of Scheel's (I swear, that place is its own planet!) to get himself some goalie gloves and padded shorts and stuff after also doing the grocery shopping for the week and putting away all the food as I tried to up my word count at Scooter's. See? I told you. He's like a saint.

They picked me up after I managed to pound (and scribble) out about 3600 words. Sweet.

He pointed the short bus in the direction of home stopping shortly to pick up some drive-thru dinner, when the following ensued from the back seat.. (note: Jo woke up while we were in the drive-thru and was not real happy about it..)

Aidan: Torrin, I will give you 5 trillion dollars if you eat a fart!
Torrin: Okay!
Aidan: Here you go!
Torrin: Ew! That fart was NOT delicious..
Aidan: Okay! Here's your pay-check!
Torrin: No, thank you! I don't want it.. The fart was not delicious.
Aidan: But you already ate it! Here's your 5 trillion dollars.
Joella: WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Torrin: NO THANK YOU. It was NOT delicious.
Aidan: Okaaay.. I guess I will keep the 5 trillion dollars then!
Torrin: No, you have to eat the fart!
Joella: WAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
Aidan: I will eat Eliana's brain!
Eliana: NO!! I need my brain!
Aidan: Om nom nom nom.. Mmmm.. braaaiiins.
Eliana: NO!! Don eat my brain!!
Aidan: Okay, I will eat Torrin's brain!
Kieran: Eat my brain! Eat my brain!
Torrin: No! Don't eat my brain! I need my brain, eat KJ's brain!
Aidan: I will eat Torrin's brain!.. Om nom nom nom..
Kieran: No, eat MY brain!
Joella: WAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Torrin: No, don't eat my brain!
Aidan: Mmmmm... braaaaiiinnns....

And then we had to turn Flatfoot 56 back on to pacify Joella.
The End.

Emery - The Party Song

Pencil Therapy

If there's one thing I could change about today? I'd make it stop raining.

And that's saying something.. because, I love the rain. Don't believe me? Ask my husband..

But if we could just save these little drips from heaven for another day, that'd be fab. Because I'm tired of the white-knuckled eye-balls popping out of my head driving. See, I have to take The Boss to his dance class this afternoon, and I don't see so well. See the glasses over there on my face in my picture? Yeah.. well, I got them back when I had two kids.. and I wasn't even pregnant with a third yet. And that's saying something.. Don't believe me? Ask my husband.

When it's raining, everything is blurry. Like when you wake up in the morning and you open your eyes before they're really ready to be opened. Or when you open your eyes under water without goggles on.. Add some darkness to it and it becomes a big black mirror with red and yellow streaks smeared across it like a pre-schooler's finger painting.. with glitter. I breathe out a huge sigh of relief when I pull up in front of J's office to pick him up at the end of the day, so happy that I am finished with my driving duty for the evening, so relieved that we made it there in one piece.

Relief. Like when I have a chance to sit down with my laptop and empty my brain out on to the screen. I was trying to do dishes today, they hadn't been done for a day or two - I tell you, I'm a terrible housekeeper.. not something I'm proud of, but there it is (I'm not even going to tell you about the taquitos on my dining room floor.. probably from yesterday.. but potentially from Tuesday..). Don't believe me? Ask my husband.

But I had a hard time focusing on even finishing that task as words started swirling around in my head. Sentences and paragraphs started forming in my mind, taunting me and teasing me, daring me to abandon my necessary duties and go release them into tangibility. There are times when daily life begins to feel like a tiny prison, my responsibilities close in on me slowly suffocating me and making me want to cry out in desperation. Leave me alone! Go away! Get off me! I must escape!

Then I have that chance.. sometimes I have to steal it "Hey, boys.. keep an eye on your sisters. I'm going to my room... come get me if someone's bleeding." Other times, I notice that all is right in the worlds of my offspring and I jump for my little keyboard and let my fingers dance across the keys. Once my fingers and my brain are drained and spent, I sit back and let out that sigh. I can breathe again. I can clean up a mess. I can do the laundry. I can feed the kids. I can function. I can relax. I can drive in the rain.

Excerpt from No Place Like Home

The advantage of doing NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo at the same time?? I can use parts of my novel on my blog when I can't think of (or just don't have time, which is the case today..) anything else to blog! This is actually kind of 'part of the story that I accidentally left out' from my runaway story.. But this is the fictional version from my novel. Enjoy..


Suddenly, Katy heard Tina let out a scream behind her. She jerked backwards as Tina grabbed hold of Katy's back pack. Katy fell on to the path, reaching out and grasping for the branches and roots jutting out of the hill side to her left. Tina dangled, holding desperately on to Katy's back pack, her feet swinging only inches above the water. Kyle and Star spun around to see what all the commotion was about and Star stood watching helplessly as Kyle grabbed on to Katy's arm and kept the girls from slipping into the rushing river below. Katy stared up at him with panic in her eyes and clung to his wrist with one hand and a tree branch that she had managed to snag with the other when she fell. Tina whimpered and struggled below her.

“Oh God..” cried Tina, “I'm going to die..” She kicked and swung her feet wildly trying to gain her footing in the slippery hill side.

Kyle looked intently into Katy's eyes and said, “It's okay. I've got you Katy.. You're okay.”

“D-don't let go..” pleaded Katy. “Don't let go of me.”

“I'm not letting go,” Kyle assured her. “I won't let you fall.”

Tina kicked hard and jammed her foot into the hillside. Katy started to slip a little as Tina started to try and pull herself up.

“Oh no..” Katy panicked. “I can't hold on.. I'm going to fall.”

“No, you won't, I've got you,” said Kyle. He planted his feet firmly and reached his free arm down under her left arm that was quickly losing its grip on the tree branch. “Now, hold on to me. I can't get a good grip on you, the plastic bag is making my hand slip..”

Katy clung to him with all her strength and pulled as Tina reached her arms around Katy's waist. Once Tina had a good grip under Katy's poncho, Katy pulled her legs up onto the path and
Kyle wrapped his other arm around her. He held tight as Tina scrambled up on to the path behind Katy. As she did the path started to give way underneath her feet and she grabbed at the tree beside her. She just barely balanced herself on a root of the tree as the mud washed away underneath her.

Katy struggled to her feet and squeezed her arms tightly around Kyle. He reached his hand out behind her and helped Tina back on to the path.

“Oh my God.. oh my God.. oh my God..” Katy whispered in Kyle's ear.

“It's okay, Katy,” Kyle reassured her. “You're okay now. I've got you.”

“Holy shit!” Star blurted out. “That was intense.. Tina? You okay, girl?”

“Yeah.. I.. I'm okay.” Tina said, gasping and shaking. Mud was slathered all over her pants and her wet hair stuck to her face. She looked as if someone had picked her up by her hands and slapped her repeatedly against the muddy hill side. She crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed her hands up and down the sleeves of her jacket as she shivered.

Kyle gently pried Katy's arms from around his neck and she stood staring at him with eyes filled with panic. “Hey.. you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.. I.. no.. I mean..” Katy stammered as she tried to process all that had just happened. “Oh God.. I'm so sorry.” she said finally.

“What?? Why are you sorry? You don't need to be sorry.” answered Kyle.

Katy didn't know how to feel. She was relieved to be alive and on solid ground but suddenly felt horribly guilty as she realized that Tina was mere inches from drowning in the river and all she had thought at the time was 'Let go of me!'.. What kind of friend am I??

“I.. I want to go home..” Katy whispered.

Wordless Wednesday

10 Things Tuesday

Better late than never, I say...

10 things I admire about our veterans...

1. their sacrifice
2. their devotion
3. their efforts in defending our freedom
4. their ability to look great in a uniform
5. their commitment
6. their camaraderie
   
7. their skill
8. their ability to get the job done
9. their endurance
10. their bravery

I realize some sound like repeats.. but any soldier can tell you that all of these attributes are unique and separate on their own and are all required in being a good soldier (especially the looking good in a uniform part). So to our veterans today.. I say 'Thank you.' To my father, to my brother, to the many veterans in my family who have passed on already, to David, to Miles, to all the other friends who are currently serving or have served... Thank you.

Your Daily Dose..

..of random crap.

Joella: Little Cupcake found a book that I borrowed from a friend. She was really entertained by the hardcover book and it's dust jacket. I rescued the book knowing my one year old's propensity for the destruction of books.. and hastily grabbed my equally entertaining copy of Stephen Colbert's book I am America and So Can You. Apparently this was a more than worthy substitute as Jo squealed with delight and sat on the floor gazing at Colbert's face with a big goofy grin. What can I say? She has good taste. (That or Stephen is just really funny looking..)

Eliana: has discovered the joy of 'Choo Choo Soul' and is dancing around the living room singing the steam train song and shaking her booty with wild abandon. I've decided I'm not letting her out of the house until she's 25. Did I say 25? I meant 45.

Kieran: I bought a couple bags of marshmallows yesterday.. the Christmas ones that are pink and green and shaped like stars and trees respectively. We discovered while having cocoa last week that Jo is nuts for marshmallows. So a little indulgence was in line for my poor teething sweetie. Well, Kieran was in the kitchen sneaking them from the bag and I caught him. As I twisted the bag shut and put it on a higher shelf (I'm going to be SOL when they get taller than me.. which will probably be in like 2 or 3 years at the most..), he asked me, "Why didn't you buy any blue marshmallows?" His favorite color being blue and all.. "Well, Monkey, they didn't have any. These are colored because they are Christmas marshmallows." He stood there thinking about that for a moment and then said "That would be awesome if they had Jesus shaped marshmallows."

Fun With Squirrels..

One of the many things I love about living in Iowa is a little something we call backyard wildlife. No, I don't mean that we have wild parties with drinking binges and drugs and puking and stuff in our backyards where everyone gets so inebriated that they don't remember what happened the next morning as they wake up covered in leaves and twigs under the back porch... Or perhaps that is what's going on and I just don't realize it due to the fact that the participants are of the non-human variety. Maybe I don't know just how 'wild' our wildlife is?

We frequently (as in, nearly daily) spot all types of critters in our yard ranging in several different kinds of birds, to squirrels, to bunnies, and of course deer, raccoons and possums. It is not unusual for one to interrupt ladies night on my lawn among the neighborhood deer if one is to venture out late in the evening. The other night I opened the back door to go out and push the bikes and skateboards the rest of the way into the garage so I could shut the door after putting the kids to bed and was greeted by 3 deer outside my back door. Two were lounging lazily in the grass and the third (presumably Mama Deer as she was the biggest) was grazing. I just stopped where I was and stood silently watching them, them watching me.. eventually they decided that if I wasn't going to go away, they would, and off they pranced into the neighbors yard (their grass is probably better anyway).

My daughter is convinced that someday she will catch and hold a squirrel or a bunny. We've actually had bunnies nest in our yard.. the first batch was found with a lawn mower.. eeeewww. That was messy. They certainly are entertaining to watch though.

Our neighbors have a bird haven in their backyard with several feeders and a pedestal bath in the center of their lawn. The kids have enjoyed learning the names of some various birds and watching the squirrels mess with them - stealing their food and chattering at them from the trees.

I won't even get started on the fun Molly had with the squirrels.. since I'm still rather saddened by her absence. But you can imagine what entertainment would come from having a lab/pointer mix on a 30' line in a yard filled with squirrels.

Squirrels are little hellions. Their kind of like a pack of six year old boys who have been raised by wolves and live on a diet of sugar and sugar-coated sugar.

My parents also live in Iowa. Yep, they do. They also have lots of backyard wildlife to enjoy down in their neck of the woods. Amazing, I know. And I know for a fact that their wildlife is most certainly the partying variety.. they leave quite the mess of beer bottles and cigar stubs around my parents yard.

My mother has a bird house on a pole. Sound weird? It is. Okay, not really if you're looking at it.. but still. It's a metal pole, don't worry it will all make sense... She likes to keep it well stocked all year since it's directly in line with her kitchen window and that way she has something to keep her entertained while she washes her dishes. As fall attacked with a vengeance: temperatures dropping 20 degrees a day, plants shriveling like grapes on a hot day, and leaves dropping from the trees like clothes off a hooker.. mom noticed that the bird-feeder-on-a-pole was emptying almost as fast a she could fill it.

"What the..??" she wondered to herself as she refilled it for the 257th time in one day..

The next day, she kept vigil by her kitchen window, determined to figure out who was pigging out on her seeds. It didn't take long for the snack bandit to make itself known. Before long, she spied a squirrel, a fat furry little bugger, running full speed across the yard and scurrying up the metal pole.. Yep, the metal pole that was there for the purpose of deterring the squirrels who might rob a bird house were it hanging in a tree.

Stunned, my mother began to ponder ways she might be able to thwart young squirrel's quest for the birdie goodies. "A-ha!" she exclaimed as she opened her cupboard and grabbed the can of Crisco.

The next morning, she got up early. It was o'dark thirty and she donned her black sweat suit and ski mask, grabbed her trusty can o' Crisco and headed out the back door into the crisp fall morning. She snuck stealthily over to the bird-house-on-a-pole and squatted down in the grass beside it, opening her can o' Crisco. She scooped up some of the cool, slimy grease and began rubbing it all up and down the metal pole. When she was finished, she packed up her weapon of mass deterrence and headed back indoors.

Later that morning, as she was scrubbing the morning dishes, she watched carefully through her window for Mr. Climb-a-pole-and-steal-another-poor-defenseless-animal's-food. Sure enough, after a few minutes she spotted the little glutton jockeying for position off in the corner of the yard. He took aim and shot across the yard in a blur of brown fuzz and claws and launched himself at the pole.

Thunk.. sshhllllliiiiink.. plop. Lather, rinse, repeat. No cookie for you.

Naturally, mom laughed hysterically and dad came to see what the ruckus was about. Then, he too got to join in on the giggle-fest as they watched Mr. Not-so-clever-as-he-thought-he-was Squirrel repeatedly throw himself with wild abandon at the treat on a stick, only to slide pitifully back to the ground over and over.

I think next time mom should let dad camp out by the fire pit with a bee-bee gun, catch the little hoodlum, and put him on a stick. Forget weenie roast, let's have a squirrelly roast!

Sitemeter makes me giggle: this post earned me a page view from someone who googled 'opossoms spaying and rubbing there head on tree pic'... yeah, you know who you are...

Not Admitting Defeat

Though I admit
my brain is fried,
I still press on
my eye on the prize...

A text message conversation with between my husband, who happens to be being held hostage at the office today, and me..

M: Trying to write. Kids. won't. leave. me. alone.
J: lol (see that? he laughs at me and my expression of frustration..)
M: Go-gurt. String cheese. Punching walls. Computer games. Poopy diapers. Space aliens. Crazy cats. Sippy cups. Whiney girls. Purple unicorns...
J: Sounds like here.
M: Awesome.
M: At least you remembered to wear a diaper.
J: lol

What can I say... he's a man of few words. Me? Not so much.. (after all, it would be kind of hard.. me not being a man and all..)

Interrogation.. (Part 6)

We pulled into the station before long.. It was a small white building with a flat roof. Part of the parking lot was paved, part was dirt. None of us had said a word during the car ride, and we remained silent as the officer got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side of the vehicle to open the doors for us. As we stepped out of the car, the second one pulled up behind us and the other officer also got out to let the boys out of his car. The officers led the way into the station and we followed.

We were led into a large room with 4 or 5 long tables lined with chairs.

"Have a seat," said one of the officers. "We'll call in the social workers and get this started. We're going to take you into the office and ask you a few questions before doing anything else."

We each grabbed a seat along one of the tables as the second officer went further into the building to fetch our interviewer.

"While he's taking care of that, why don't we talk about how you guys got here," he said sitting down on the other side of the table. He took down our names and ages and we gave him a brief and minimal story of how we got from Sacramento to Arbuckle. Explaining our walk along the bike trail, stay with Baby's uncle, and ride north to our current location. He informed us that the boy we had tried to sell our CD player to happened to be the son of the store owner. He informed his mother that a group of runaway kids had tried to sell him a CD player and she was concerned enough to call the police and have it checked out.

And here we had been shocked, thinking word of our stunt had already stretched so far north as Colusa county. They had no idea who we were or where we came from. Only that we were 'rumored to be runaways'. Humbling, to say the least.

He then informed us that we were to be asked some basic questions regarding home life and what led us to the decision to run away. Then they would decide what to do with us after that. I didn't know exactly what that meant, but was a little hopeful at the idea that this was not the end and my parents were not already on their way to pick me up.

The other officer returned with the social worker and she took Missy and Baby back into an office with her. The boys were also taken to speak with one of the officers and the other went to get started on the report. One officer was left in the room to babysit Patty and I as we waited our turn to be questioned.

Patty and I talked in hushed whispers. She told me about receiving homes and that if they were to decide that we had valid enough reasons for splitting, then they would send us to a receiving home where we would wait to be placed in foster care. That hit me like a ton of bricks.. Foster care. Those, for some reason, were two words I did not expect to hear. I didn't know exactly what I had expected to come of it if we were caught (well, I suppose I was expecting to be sent back home, no questions asked..). Maybe I thought perhaps that I'd be sent to live with a family member or something along those lines.. Oh hell, who am I kidding.. I was 14, I thought I was invincible like every other teenager. Get caught?? That was crazy talk. We wouldn't get caught. Beaten, robbed, raped, murdered, homeless? Sure, probably.. But caught?? No.

She went on to tell me that Baby had been sent to receiving homes in the past, but had always been sent back home in the end. That kind of surprised me.. she had some pretty crazy stories. But then, how much was true??

The other girls came back out from their interview. Their faces blank. They walked silently to the table and sat down.

"You girls are next, come on back." said the lady.

There would be more questioning than just 'why did you run away'..

"So you started out at school? Where did you go from there?"
"We walked to the bike trail." Patty answered.
"And when you got to the bike trail? then which way did you go.. where were you headed?"
"We walked along the trail until we got to Rancho Cordova." I responded.
"And then?"
"We got a ride to Christina's uncle's house." said Patty.
"From who?"
"Some people we met outside the grocery store.. strangers" I replied.
"How long did you stay there?"
"Just for the night." I answered.
"Megan, you and Devon went to the store the next day? What did you get there?"
"Um.. hair dye and candy and stuff.."
"How did you pay for it?"
"Devon found some money on the way."
"Enough for hair dye??.. or just candy?"
"Just candy."
"Okay.. then what happened when you guys got back to the house?"
"We got ready to leave. Christiana had found us a ride." Patty answered.
"Who picked you up? From where?"
"Her friend picked us up at American River College."
"What was his name?"
"Steve."
"Did you know Steve? Either of you?"
We shook our heads.
"Okay."

"Patty, what are things like for you at home? Are your parents strict?"
"Yeah.. I guess. I mean, not super strict. But when my dad gets pissed off, he's pretty scary."
"Scary how? Does he hit you?"
"Yeah."
"Where does he hit you?"
"He'll slap me in the face, or spank me.. stuff like that."
"Does he ever leave a mark?"
"Um.. I don't think so."
"Okay. How are things with your mom?"
"Okay, I guess. She yells at me a lot, but that's about it."
"Anyone else in the house?"
"I have an older brother."
"You guys get along okay?"
"Yeah.. well, he's not home that much. But when he is we mostly leave each other alone."
"Okay. Thanks."

"Megan.. How about you? How are things at home?"
"Um.. okay."
"You sure? If they were really okay, would you be here?"
"No.. I guess not."
"So your parents? Are they strict?"
"Yeah, but not overly.. I guess."
"Do they hit you?"
"My dad does, sometimes.. Nothing bad though."
"Oh? Where does he hit you?"
"Well, he's slapped me before.. and my parents used to spank me, but not so much anymore."
"Okay, anyone else in the house?"
"I have two older brothers."
"How old?"
"15 and 19."
"You get along okay?"
"Not really."
"Who do you not get along with?"
"The one who's 15."
"Why not?"
"Well.. he's got.. problems."
"What kind of problems?"
"Um.. depression, stuff like that. He gets really angry... and violent."
"And he takes it out on you?"
"Yeah."
"So does he hit you?"
"Yes."
"Where?"
"Anywhere he can."
"With fists?"
"Yes. And feet."
"Does he ever leave marks?"
"Yes."
"Okay... That's all girls. Let's go back out now."

She led us back down the hallway to the room where the other five kids were waiting. We went back to the table and sat down in our chairs and looked around at our comrades, meeting their solemn and somewhat angry gazes. The social worker stood off to the side of the room, near the door, and spoke in hushed voices with the two officers. After a few minutes, they came to the table to speak with us.

The officer spoke first. "You guys will be on juvenile probation. What that means is that you run away again, you can be put on house arrest. Then, on a third offense, you could be sent to juvenile detention. Megan and Devon, we will be calling the store you stopped at and seeing if they want to press charges for shop lifting."

Next, we were addressed by the social worker. "Patty, Devon, Missy, and Alika.. we'll be calling your parents and telling them to come and pick you up this evening. You may wait here for them.. Megan, Danny, and Christina, we're calling another social worker to come in and speak with you, calling your parents to speak with them, and we'll be arranging for you to go to receiving homes."

What!?!? Wait.. You're sending Patty home? and Devon?? But where is Patty going to go when she has a fight with her dad if I'm not around? She can't go home alone like that? I looked at Patty and I could see in her eyes a look of 'Don't leave me!'

"No," I said. "I'm going home."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, just call my parents and have them come and pick me up. I'm going home."
"Well.. If you're sure."
"I am."
"Okay."

They turned and walked down the hall again to make their phone calls and Patty stood up and practically jumped into my arms. Danny and Baby sat across the table and looked at each other. Devon and Alika stood up and moved their back packs from the backs of their chairs to the table. When Patty let go and went to hug Missy, who was starting to get choked up with tears forming on her cheeks, Devon came and wrapped his arms around me.

"You're brave." he said.
"Psh.. no I'm not." I said. Brave?? Why?
"Yes, you are." he assured me.
"It's not a big deal.. really.. It's not like my life is in danger."
"I know. But you're brave. You had a chance to get out, to get away. And you didn't take it. I think you're brave."
"Wouldn't that make me stupid?"
He laughed, "No."
"Well, like I said. Really not that big of a deal."
"I still think you're brave." he said, leaning in slyly to sneak a kiss.

I realized then, just how much I loved my family. Sure, we had our shitty times, we had some downright crazy stuff happen in our house. But I loved them. I may have wanted things to change. I may have wanted a different life, but I didn't want it without them. Yes, there were times growing up when I really did fear for my life. I was afraid. But it was childish fear born of helplessness. I didn't want a new life somewhere else, I just wanted a new life at home, with my family. I loved them. I wanted to go home.

MxPx - You're on Fire

Here's my favorite song.. Enjoy.

Wordless Wednesday

From the Hawkeye state...

10 Things Tuesday

10 reasons I'm not voting today... (so that you all can yell at me and call me stupid..)

1. I didn't watch a single debate.
2. I really didn't pay much attention to the candidates aside from knowing they're basic views.
3. I'm not registered (yeah.. I know I still can).
4. I have no idea which one of the boobs I'd vote for (left, right? saggy, perky?).
5. My personal beliefs are more in line with McCain/Palin (every time I see one of their signs, I think 'McCain/Pain').
6. But I get the feeling that 4 years from now, our country would be better off if Obama were president.
7. I'm trying to complain less and be more content in life.. since by not voting my right to complain about our government will be revoked for the next 4 years (and no, I don't gain the right to blame all of you who did vote) I see this as a win win for me.
8. If my husband votes, I'm more than happy to let his vote represent me as well.
9. There's going to be a record turn out anyway...
10. So my vote won't really count!! (because I know you all want to tell me it does.. but honestly, in the grand scheme of things, we all know that my one little vote won't sway the polls.)

Disclaimer: The views that are expressed herein may or may not represent the actual views of the author. Do not take these words as honest truth as this blog is known for it's bullshit falsehoods.

A Strange Land (Part 5)

The ride was long and bumpy. At times, it seemed like it would never end, scrunched and contorted into weird positions in the bed of a pick up truck as we bounced along the interstate. At one point, we tried to get a little more comfortable, raising our heads up a bit and almost getting into a sitting position, only to have Baby open the window and remind us to stay down. We didn't talk much, it was too uncomfortable. I'm sure you can imagine.. 5 teenagers wearing winter coats and as many back packs smooshed into the back of a pick up that was not entirely empty.

Steve pulled off the interstate in Arbuckle. Arbuckle is a semi-rural town off I-5 in Northern California. There was a gas station just off the freeway and he pulled in there to let us out. Danny was closest to the tail gate, he didn't hesitate to unlatch it and start rolling out as soon as the truck stopped moving. Seriously, we're lucky no one got car sick. The 5 of us peeled ourselves out of the truck bed and walked around the driver's side to thank Steve for his oh-so-selfless act as Patty and Baby were stepping out of the other side of the cab. Patty looked a little uncomfortable and Baby looked somewhat embarrassed. We started walking toward the store while Baby spoke quietly with Steve and then waved goodbye. He drove off, and there we were.. alone, and over 150 miles from home.

"We need money," said Alika.
"Agreed," said Missy. "Any ideas?"
"What do we have that's worth anything?" asked Devon.
"I have a ring," said Patty. "My dad gave it to me, it's gold with a ruby and some small diamonds."
"I've got a cd player," added Danny.
"Let's start with the cd player," suggested Baby. "You two go in the store," she said, pointing to Devon and Danny, "I just saw a kid walk in there, you can talk to him and see if he's interested."

So Danny and Devon walked toward the store and the rest of us headed for a grassy area between the store and some old train tracks.

"I say we follow the train tracks," said Alika.
"Sounds like a plan," agreed Baby. "They look pretty old and unused, we can probably find an old depot or something to squat in for the night."

As we were standing there, looking around and checking out the new town, we heard a pick up truck coming down a gravel road on the other side of the tracks. They stopped right across from us and two guys who looked to be in their early 20's got out.

"Hey," one of them said, smiling at me.
"What're you all up to out here? You're not from around here are you?" said the other.

Baby started walking over to them. What is she doing? Is she seriously going to talk to these guys? Big, beat up old Ford pick up, two beefy guys stepping out in their ripped jeans and plaid shirts and jean vests.. wait. Is that a shotgun I see in the front seat??

"No, we're not from around here," said Baby, smiling flirtatiously. The first one kept his eyes on me, making me want to run for cover.
"Well, where you headed?" he asked, still looking at me.
"That's a good question, see.. we don't really know where we're headed."
"You don't have a place to go?"
"Nope.. you know of somewhere we can go? We were figuring we'd follow these tracks and just see where they lead."
"I see..." he said, looking now from me, to Patty, to Missy, to Alika, and then Baby..

Danny and Devon were about half way from the store to where we were when I noticed them. I was relieved that they were back.

"Holy shit, there's more of you?" he looked like he might fall off his perch on the side of the truck bed.
The second guy was rummaging around in the bed of the truck but now looked up and held up a pair of brass knuckles.
"Hey," he spoke up, "you guys got any interest in these? You can have em, if you want.. you know, in case you come across any thugs or something." They both chuckled.

"Uh.. no thanks," answered Missy.
Danny's face perked up, "I'll take them!" Missy shot him a 'What the hell are you doing?' look as he took them. The first guy was looking off into the distance behind us now..
"Well, we gotta get going," he said. "Best of luck to y'all." And with that, they hopped in their truck and took off, leaving behind only a cloud of dust and a pair of brass knuckles.

That was one of the most bizarre exchanges I'd ever taken part in.

"Any luck?" Baby asked Danny and Devon.
"No," answered Devon. "Who were those guys?"
"No idea," I said. "Just drove up and started talking to us."
"The one was totally undressing Megan with his eyes," snickered Baby.
"Shut up," I said, I could feel my face turning red. I was just glad they were gone.

"Shit.. Cops." said Danny, hastily stuffing the brass knuckles into Devon's jacket pocket. Devon didn't even notice. We tried to look casual as the squad car pulled up alongside us where the truck had just been.

"Hey, where you kids from?" asked the officer.
"We're from out of town," answered Baby. "We're here visiting my cousin."
"Yeah?" he looked at us doubtfully, "you need any help finding where they live?"
"Um.. no.. I think we got it, thanks."
"What's their address? Maybe I can help you find the street.."
"Well, I'm not sure, actually.. I was just about to go use that pay phone to call my mom and get it again. See, I had it written down but lost the paper..."
"I see.." said the officer. I could see he knew we were lying. I knew then, that we'd been caught. "Well, rumor has it that y'all are runaways. See we got a call from the owner of that store over there saying she heard there was a group of seven kids out here who were rumored to be runaways. What do you say we go down to the station and have a chat?" As he said that, another squad car pulled up.

We stood there and looked at each other for a moment.. I think all of us were seriously considering bolting right then and there. Seriously. How can two cops catch seven running teenagers? All we'd have to do is scatter a bit. We were all wishing we could read each other's thoughts at that moment.. You see, you can't really silently negotiate a plan 'Hey you run this way, I'll run that way.. ready, set, GO!' It wasn't going to work.

The other officer stepped out of his car and said, "I'll take the boys in my car, you take the girls." And so, Devon, Danny, and Alika quietly climbed into the back seat of the second squad car. Baby, Patty, and Missy climbed into the back seat of the first car.

"You can ride up front, miss." he said to me, opening the door for me. Oh goody. I climbed into the passenger seat of the car and he shut the door behind me. As he walked around to the driver's side door, I looked around. I peeked through the black metal mesh that separated me from the other girls - they looked at me without saying a word. Then I looked at the center console, the radio, and the big shot gun that separated me and the cop.

grocery store humor

Please excuse any typos... my right hand is quite sore from writing out my novel long hand.

So the other day, we stopped by the store to pick up a few necessities. We had the whole family and I think there were fewer items on the grocery list than there were people in our vehicle, so J decided to go it alone.

One of the items on our list was milk. We drink 'natural milk' from Sheeder's Farms.

So J, still in the Uniform, goes into the store and proceeds to gather his family's necessities. He heads for the dairy Aisle and grabs one of the lovely glass bottles of milk and places it in his cart.

A heavy set woman of presumably African American descent then approaches him and inquires..

"Are you Amish?"
"Um.. no."
"Oh.. I was just wondering if that was goat's milk or something.."
"Nope."
"Well, why's it in that glass bottle?"
"Uh, I don't know. It's just good milk and it's from a local dairy. We like it."
"Oh.. I see.... So are you a rabbi?"
*stifling a chuckle* "Nope."
"Really?.. Are you Middle Eastern??"
*snickers* "No."
"Hm.. are you sure? Are you lying to me?"
*laughs a little* "I'm trying not to."
"What do you mean, you're 'trying not to'?"
"Well, you see, I could just go with it and tell you that I am one of those identities you've mentioned. But then I would be lying.. that would be funny. But I prefer to be honest."
"Hm. So, if you don't mind me asking.. what nationality are you?"
"Well, ma'am.. I'm a Christian man who decided to grow out his beard and start dressing nice for work. I'm American. But my family has some French and Spanish.. among other Europeans. I'm also part Mexican."
"I see. Well... I don't believe you."

Because old guys can be really funny...

Remember 'Dress like J Day'? And when I mentioned J's grandpa accusing him of being a gay rabbi? Since my brain is busy with NaNoWriMo, here's an excerpt from an email that J got from his grandfather after sending him these pictures..



Subject: Rabbi J

"Thanks for the pictures of you and your friends at the Hebrew school.  Then I realized one of them was a woman and several of them looked too happy. Then too, the Jews wouldn't tolerate men who wore earrings, which use to be symbol of homosexuality.  I don't remember if it was worn on the left or right ear but you and one of your friends make up for that by using both ears.

My what a good looking group.  When I first looked at the pictures I wondered where J was but then decided you were taking the pictures. Whoops, there he is leading the pact (so to speak) with his face full of hair.  At least your head is in good sartorial spender.  Did you have the beard when you were hired or was that a late addition to your attire?"

There ya go... thought I wouldn't make it for the first day of NaBloPoMo.. didn't ya!