Because life gets overwhelming sometimes..

Okay, friends.. I need your encouragement. I feel like my blog's been lacking a little lately - meaning mostly that it's veered off course from what I intended it to be.. about my writing.

I have started my next book. It's been over a month since I asked for your help and opinions on which story to write, and while I haven't worked as hard on it as I would like to have, progress has been made. I have written outlines for both stories and have the first 2 chapters or so of the winning option written (#2).

But I seem to be lacking motivation. (sick toddler, struggling with home school, too much time working out?)

And whenever I have a particularly difficult day (which happens often when you have 5 kids under 10 being cared for by two slightly mental parents..), I start feeling like I should give up. This little voice inside my head says 'What do you think you're doing? You don't have time for this.. get your head out of your ass and just focus on your family for now. You can't do it all.' But I can. I just need to manage my time better (don't we all??). No, I don't need to finish the whole book in 30 days, but I know that I'm capable of doing that.. so why shouldn't I be able to get another written over say 60-90 days, right? Besides, most people take years to write their first book.

Anyway.. whatever.

I figured I'd share some of my progress here so you all can tell me if I should a) start over, b) try the other book instead, or c) keep this because it's awesome. Feel free to be mean and insulting.. I like it when people are honest.
*********************************************************

Chapter 2

Jenna walked quickly to the bathroom, dropped to her knees and vomited into the toilet.

As she re-entered the bedroom, Shane was zipping his pants and looked at her with little more than an empty stare.

"Did you just throw up?"
"Yes." Jenna replied as she began pulling the sheets off the bed.
"You want some help with that?" Shane asked sheepishly.
"No.. I think you've done enough already, thank you." she replied in a cold quiet voice.

He sat on the bare mattress and gripped the edge as he watched Jenna leave the room and return with a trash bag.

"I'm sorry." he said as she angrily stuffed the sheets into the bag. She paused for a moment and glared at him, tears starting their slow descent over her cheeks.

Shane rose from the bed and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her as the bag fell to the floor. Jenna stiffened at his touch initially but then slowly relaxed in his arms as he stroked her blond curls. She leaned her forehead against his chest and let out a little sob.

"I'm so sorry, Jenna.." he whispered.

Jenna shoved him away indignantly, her stomach lurching again.

"How dare you touch me, you asshole." she hissed at him through clenched teeth. With that, she turned and walked out of the room, headed for the couch in the living room. She wanted nothing to do with the comfort of her own bed after what she'd just witnessed there.

"Are you leaving?" Shane asked as he followed her down the hall to the living room.
"No. I don't know.. why? Do you want me to?" she wasn't sure exactly what he meant by his question.
"No." he answered as Jenna sat down on the couch.

The room was spinning and she closed her eyes as she sank back into the brown suede cushions.

"I came home because I wasn't feeling well. I just need to lie down for a while."
"Oh." It obviously wasn't the response he was expecting.
"Shane, please, just go away.." Jenna said as she leaned over to lay down without opening her eyes. She curled up on her side as he walked back down the hall to the office. She tried to chase the images of Shane and the other woman going at it in her own bed but it was all she could see in her mind. She opened her eyes again, letting the tears fall freely as her mind filled with questions..

********************************************************

Okay, let me know what you think.. and also, feel free to leave me ideas for another short story here.. a story idea, a prompt, even just an opening line. I love a challenge.

And now, I will go change a diaper full of butt soup..

Choose your own adventure..

Okay so that title may be a tad misleading.. So I've started working on not one but two books. Writing two books at once is not what I would prefer to do though. I like to stick with just one at a time so that I can really devote myself to the characters and the story, that way it ends up being better developed in the end. So, I'd like your help. I'm going to post here the beginnings of both.. not much, really.. just snippets. But enough to give you a glimpse of what the story will be about. And if you ask nicely, I may post excerpts of my progress as I go along. While you all assist me with this, I'm going to work on my plot outlines this weekend so that whichever one I write, I know where I'm going with it.

Remember folks, these are first drafts.

******************************************************************
“I never thought we'd end up here..” he said softly, taking my hand as we sat together in the quiet and near empty waiting room. I looked down at our hands, fingers intertwined. The contrast of his dark skin on mine, so pale, made my vision blur and it was as if my world turned to black and white. Black and white, that's what we were, and that's what we thought this decision was. We felt like we had no choice. You do, said a small voice in my head.. Do I?

It wasn't something spur of the moment. It wasn't out of the blue. But rather, something that had built up inside both of us for years. Attraction. Intrigue. Longing. It built up to a point where it could no longer be denied, no matter how wrong or how inappropriate. Neither of us could hide our feelings from each other any longer. And so it began.

******************************************************************

“You're lying.” he said with a cold sadness in his eyes.
He was right. I was lying. Lying to him, lying to myself, lying to everyone.. and I had to stop. I couldn't do it anymore. I was miserable, and if I didn't get out now, I'd make everyone else miserable too. But I had no where to go. I had never felt so alone in all my life.

“I have to go.” I said quietly staring at my wringing hands, not wanting to look at him.
“Go where?” he asked, sounding suspicious and irritated.
“I don't know.. anywhere but here.” I answered.
And with that, I stood and walked out the door.

That was almost 2 years ago. And I never imagined I'd find myself here. I thought for sure I was destined to wander alone. I felt like I needed to be alone. Not for my own good, but for the good of everyone around me. I was certain that I was destined to hurt everyone I came into contact with. I felt toxic. So I left. But I suppose that's not really where the story begins. I didn't end up like that on my own, and I think that anyone who has known the pain of betrayal has a right to a certain amount of bitterness and cynicism. Yes, that's right, betrayal.

**************************************************************************
So? What do you think? Which one sounds more intriguing? Which one leaves you wanting to know more?

Excerpt from No Place Like Home

The advantage of doing NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo at the same time?? I can use parts of my novel on my blog when I can't think of (or just don't have time, which is the case today..) anything else to blog! This is actually kind of 'part of the story that I accidentally left out' from my runaway story.. But this is the fictional version from my novel. Enjoy..


Suddenly, Katy heard Tina let out a scream behind her. She jerked backwards as Tina grabbed hold of Katy's back pack. Katy fell on to the path, reaching out and grasping for the branches and roots jutting out of the hill side to her left. Tina dangled, holding desperately on to Katy's back pack, her feet swinging only inches above the water. Kyle and Star spun around to see what all the commotion was about and Star stood watching helplessly as Kyle grabbed on to Katy's arm and kept the girls from slipping into the rushing river below. Katy stared up at him with panic in her eyes and clung to his wrist with one hand and a tree branch that she had managed to snag with the other when she fell. Tina whimpered and struggled below her.

“Oh God..” cried Tina, “I'm going to die..” She kicked and swung her feet wildly trying to gain her footing in the slippery hill side.

Kyle looked intently into Katy's eyes and said, “It's okay. I've got you Katy.. You're okay.”

“D-don't let go..” pleaded Katy. “Don't let go of me.”

“I'm not letting go,” Kyle assured her. “I won't let you fall.”

Tina kicked hard and jammed her foot into the hillside. Katy started to slip a little as Tina started to try and pull herself up.

“Oh no..” Katy panicked. “I can't hold on.. I'm going to fall.”

“No, you won't, I've got you,” said Kyle. He planted his feet firmly and reached his free arm down under her left arm that was quickly losing its grip on the tree branch. “Now, hold on to me. I can't get a good grip on you, the plastic bag is making my hand slip..”

Katy clung to him with all her strength and pulled as Tina reached her arms around Katy's waist. Once Tina had a good grip under Katy's poncho, Katy pulled her legs up onto the path and
Kyle wrapped his other arm around her. He held tight as Tina scrambled up on to the path behind Katy. As she did the path started to give way underneath her feet and she grabbed at the tree beside her. She just barely balanced herself on a root of the tree as the mud washed away underneath her.

Katy struggled to her feet and squeezed her arms tightly around Kyle. He reached his hand out behind her and helped Tina back on to the path.

“Oh my God.. oh my God.. oh my God..” Katy whispered in Kyle's ear.

“It's okay, Katy,” Kyle reassured her. “You're okay now. I've got you.”

“Holy shit!” Star blurted out. “That was intense.. Tina? You okay, girl?”

“Yeah.. I.. I'm okay.” Tina said, gasping and shaking. Mud was slathered all over her pants and her wet hair stuck to her face. She looked as if someone had picked her up by her hands and slapped her repeatedly against the muddy hill side. She crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed her hands up and down the sleeves of her jacket as she shivered.

Kyle gently pried Katy's arms from around his neck and she stood staring at him with eyes filled with panic. “Hey.. you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.. I.. no.. I mean..” Katy stammered as she tried to process all that had just happened. “Oh God.. I'm so sorry.” she said finally.

“What?? Why are you sorry? You don't need to be sorry.” answered Kyle.

Katy didn't know how to feel. She was relieved to be alive and on solid ground but suddenly felt horribly guilty as she realized that Tina was mere inches from drowning in the river and all she had thought at the time was 'Let go of me!'.. What kind of friend am I??

“I.. I want to go home..” Katy whispered.