Sunday, February 1, 2009

Succumb..

Here is a bit of 'weekend writing' for you.. something that doesn't normally make it to my blog. I prefer to stick with story telling on here, it tends to be more interesting. But I do these as well, usually scribbled on note book paper with a good old fashioned pencil, as practice for imagery, metaphors and adjective use. It may sound a bit scrambled as I wrote it over a couple of days rather than sitting down and pounding it out in an hour or so like my other posts. So, be nice. Here you go.. enjoy.

She dropped to her knees at the base of the tall redwood tree. She was alone now and she let her forehead rest against the spongy rough bark. She gasped for breath, her chest heaving up and down and her whole body shook. I can't run anymore.. I can't. She couldn't even remember why she had started running in the first place, let alone what she was running from.

Her feet hurt. Her legs hurt. The muscles in her back and arms spasmed in protest, threatening to no longer support her. Rolling her head along the trunk of the tree, she twisted her body in the dirt until she was sitting on the forest floor. The twigs and needles and leaves crunched under the weight of her body on the earth beneath her. Rays of sunshine streamed down through the trees like fingers reaching out to her from heaven.

It seemed as if there was a beast chasing her. She'd been running from it her whole life. A beast with fangs and claws that longed to devour her from the inside out. A beast bent on her destruction, bringing her tragedy after tragedy, heart ache upon heart ache. She just wanted it to end. She was tired of fighting.

Beads of sweat mingled with tears began to roll down her face. She leaned her head back on the great strong tree, her black hair tangling in the bark of the ancient trunk. She didn't want to cry, and angrily wiped the salty fluids from her cheeks as more formed in the corners of her eyes. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth from the sun chasing the cool breeze off her eyelids as her body trembled with loneliness.

Loneliness. Aching longing and loneliness. She'd all but given up on love. The sting of betrayal had shattered her trust, but her loyalty still burned with a ferocity that rivaled this beast that she couldn't seem to shake. She knew that if she gave up hope now, that the beast would catch up to her. It would swallow her whole. At this point? That didn't sound so bad. And she wondered if anyone would even take notice of her absence.

"It's not fair." she said through gritted teeth, breaking the silence of her earthen sanctuary. A raven in the tree above her squawked in protest to her noise.. her interruption of nature's moment of silence. She gazed up at the stately bird who leered back down at her, pointing at her with his large black beak. His eyes bored into her soul, hard black marbles in his feathery head. He squawked at her again, egging her on.. taunting her. Go on.. let go. Just let go.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging her shivering legs close to her body. Her long crimson dress falling around her like a pool of blood on the floor of the forest. All of her old wounds were breaking open and she didn't know how to stop the bleeding.. it felt as though she was dying a very slow and painful death. Slowly dying of a broken heart.

She dropped her head onto her arms and let the sensations wash over her. Succumbing to the huge dark wave of emotion, cold and bitter. Lapping at her body, drenching her in sorrow. She wept there. Great heaving sobs, her body jolting with the intensity as tears poured down her face and rolled down her neck to her bare chest.

Exhaustion crept in, slithering through the forest, ready to pounce. She looked up again to see that the raven was still there, perched in the tree above her, watching over her. The fatigue covered her like the canopy of night as the sun set, casting rays of orange, gold, and red through the forest. She lay down on the earth, still quivering and shaking. All the feeling drained out of her and her muscles finally relaxed their tension. She was utterly spent as she lay there, curled on the dirt, her fingers slowly twisting in the dead foliage beneath her. She closed her eyes as darkness descended and drifted off into a deep and heavy sleep.

7 comments:

Mama Dawg said...

I've actually felt that way before but supressed it. Reading that brought up that time in my life.

And I'm happy to report that I didn't get all angsty.

Wow, I feel like an adult now!

Pamela said...

I like writing with a pencil. You do it well.

Heinous said...

Excellent piece. I like it much.

ChurchPunkMom said...

MD: congrats on feeling like an adult! I still haven't figured out how to do that..

Pamela and Heinous: thank you muchly. :)

Teri said...

I like this flexing of descriptive muscle! I adore the spongy, feathery light forest sanctuary you've got there. Very refreshing. I want to go see this tree. Great job! Hair tangling in the bark! Fabulous detail!

ChurchPunkMom said...

Thanks, Teri.. and funny thing.. I was thinking as I read over it 'dang it! I didn't describe the tree..' Ha!

perhaps I will have to build on this...

Irish Gumbo said...

My dear, sometimes to succumb is all that we can do. You just have to believe that you will come out the other side.

Resisting it too long or too often can make you brittle and hollow you out...trust me on this. :)

 
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