Monday, May 4, 2009

Joe Saved My Life From Killer Crabs

So there we were, my hot hunk of a husband Matt Damon Aman and I, we were walking along a beach. It was glorious. We were perfectly content just enjoying the 2 of us and the sand and the water and the waves and the smell of the sea blowing into our faces and the fresh crystal clear water splashing onto our skin.

THEN! ALL AT ONCE! Aman grabs me by the arm and pulls me close and opens his mouth to say something. Instead of the usual sweet smile on his face (the one he has before he tells me that he loves me) I notice his eyes are glued to the road behind me and then I turn around and THERE THEY WERE!

Thousands of crabs on the road, coming towards us. They were all over and we were surrounded. We looked into each others eyes thinking this was the last we would ever see each other after the crabs attacked us... when out of the ocean came a man. I can't give all of the details as my eyes were closed with fright, but I can tell you he was a very attractive man with the sweetest voice... like honey on toast... well more like a sweet voice... anyway... he simply said "freeze" and all at once, as if he took a photo or freeze framed a video. Everything was still. Aman and I were left watching hoping the man did not kill us. He then blew a whistle and out of the water came a team of men and women who grabbed the crabs and placed them in their submarine/shipping bus. The man walked to us and said "my name is Joe. I come to save you from crabs and offer you a feast. Aman and I didn't want to argue with the powerful man... so we went with his crew of people served up the most delicious steamed crab, crab based appetizers, alcoholic beverages and other food.

As we dined and enjoyed the scenery, we noticed our children playing happily on the playground. All was right with the world once again.

He told us to share his awesome food with others by giving away a free gift card and a shirt to share his love for the crabs. How could we argue as we are but a simple people and he was something much more awesome.

So help him fight the war on crabs. We don't want them to take over the world.

The contest I am having is for a t-shirt and $25 gift card to Joe's Crab Shack. If your name is Kurt and you won this before, you cannot enter unless you get 10 new people to sign up. Feel free to tell us about your magical Joe's Crab Shack meal.

If you want to win you may do the following:

- Comment On this post and tell about either one of the 2 options
1. You favorite Joe's Crab Shack experience
2. Your most embellished crab attack story

- Tweet the following: "I Entered the Free Crabs Contest at #JoesCrabs - Click Here For Contest:"

Entries end at 11:59pm on Friday May 8th.

So get to commenting and tweeting.

Do it for me, do it for you.. do it for the children..


Amanda said...

Can his wife enter? :-D

Captain Dumbass said...

Can you mail crabs?

Kat said...

Awesome Crab-zilas!

AravisGirl said...


Pamela said...


*I'm* fucking Matt Damon.

Pamela said...

One time, at band camp, we snuck away and got crabs from Joe's Crab Shack.

Then we spread them around to all the girls who twirl the flags. And they had crabs.

The end.

Lisa Brandos said...

You wouldn't believe this if I told you... While growing up in South Florida, as a young girl (cuz that's what growing up means), I was attacked by crabs. I was playing in the ocean, splashing around and having a grand time, when ALL OF A SUDDEN I felt these pinches on my feet. I screamed, but no one heard me because my family was over at the picnic areas roasting pig. (This was before the threat of swine flu.) I tried running out of the ocean, but they were everywhere. All of a sudden, I was covered in crabs. I didn't know what to do. I thought I was going to die young. One of the crabs even said to me: "You're going to die young!" Out of nowhere, this bright shining light appeared. I wasn't sure if it was the "light" and I was at my end, or if it was God, or if I had simply turned around and was facing the sun. I hear this voice, this sweet voice, saying "Have no fear, sweet Lisa, Joe is here!" (I couldn't believe he knew my name!) I never saw that strong man because the crabs had pinched my eyelids and I didn't want to open my eyes. He carried me to the beach in his strong arms and took the crabs away. I never knew how, on account of not being able to see, but they were gone. It wasn't until many, many years later (like 10), that I knew where he had taken those crabs. I walked into my first Joe's Crab Shack, with my dad, and we ate crabs and shrimp (see Joe not only saves the world from crab attacks but also shrimp infestations). All of a sudden, I had peace with my encounter and I knew all was right in the world. It took me ten years to get over that dreadful attack, but thanks to Joe and my dad, I can now swim in the ocean again...fearless! Thank you Joe!!!!!

Megan, who would have thought that we would both have been rescued by Joe?! One more thing we have in common!!! :D

Teri said...

If only Joe would do something about those pesky sea urchins too! I totally poked my finger in Mexico on a sea urchin....granted I was trying to pick it up, but still! I had a purple finger for my vacation. Never did sticking my finger in hot water from a coffee maker feel so so good. Pleasure from double pain....but anyway...

I've eaten at a few Joe's Crab Shacks in my day - all in Dallas, Tx. I took my best friend there for her 21st birthday and even bought her a drink - I was slightly agitated because I was still only 20 so I had to sit there and watch her drink AND pay for it! We were sitting out on the deck and although it was a nice warm day, the wind started picking up a little and the gray clouds were rolling in and a storm was imminent. I thought to myself, "gee I hope this isn't going to be a tornado!" and I started imagining all of the worst possible scenarios - food and drinks and silverware and napkins blowing off the table, running for cover from a cyclone of death, ruining my friend's 21st birthday all because I wanted to sit outside, layers and layers of random fishing supplies and nautical objects flying in the air from the walls of Joe's Shack, etc etc....but there was no tornado. Only crabs and alcohol and nifty laminated tables with pictures and trinkets forever sealed inside. I don't recommend the shrimps - I wasn't a fan of the spices used in the batter...however....the crabs certainly can't be beat. Good thing too, because it would be a shame if it was Joe's Shrimp Shack...I'd have to complain at that point.

Teri said...

To Pamela: You ARE fucking Matt Damon or you are FUCKING Matt Damon? I have to know - big difference.

ChurchPunkMom said...

@Lisa - Joe's helps with shrimp infestations too?? AWESOME. I seem to have a shrimp infestation here at home..

Amanda said...

Well I didn't get an answer. So just in case...

Favourite memory?

We actually enjoyed Joe's crabs this past weekend. The first time we went, people started dancing, but this time I didn't see any dancing. I asked the waitress when they were going to dance. She said 'you want us to dance? Okay!'.

Right after her came the manager who asked if everything was all right and I told her everything was fine, I had just asked the waiters to dance. She said she'd make sure it happened.

About five minutes later, the music started and the servers all came out clapping and began to dance as did the manager. She came over to our table and asked if I wanted to join. After a couple of encouragements for her and look at Kurt to make sure he wouldn't kill me, I got up, tore off the bib they gave me and danced with them. Matthew evidently didn't like my leaving so he joined us as well. It was fun!

Best of all? We got free dessert. :-D

ChurchPunkMom said...

Sorry about that Amanda! Yes, it's totally fine with me if you enter! :)

..and now I will go find you on Twitter.

Pamela said...

Oh, Teri.
I am FUCKING Matt Damon.
Did you not watch the video?
You should.
And don't listen to a WORD that CPM says. She is NOT FUCKING Matt Damon. I am.

ChurchPunkMom said...

Back off, bitch. He's MINE.

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