This is one of those posts where I get real... honest. (okay.. maybe not.. but it got your attention right?)
So yesterday, I had scheduled a 'play date' of sorts with a friend of mine. She's a new friend (really.. pretty much all of my friends in Iowa fall into the 'new' category..), someone I met at one of the ladies coffee nights with the Church Ladies. We discovered, rather quickly, that we have a lot in common.. and decided that additional time together was definitely in order.
Now, many people who know me in real life (hello, out there. I see you reading this..) may not believe me when I say this.. but, I am terribly shy. Painfully shy. And, thanks to some clever advertising in the past couple years, I discovered there is a name for this.. Social Anxiety. Anyone who has experienced any form of anxiety knows what it feels like. The heart-pounding-breath-caught-in-the-throat-shaking-palms-sweating-oh-my-gosh-I'm-gonna-die feeling is pretty unmistakable.. though, the first time you feel it you swear someone slipped you something and that surely there is something much worse than 'the A word' going on..
It's at its worst when I'm gearing up to gather with a group of people that I don't know well, or have never met (hello NaNoWriMo people.. I'm so glad to be comfortable around you now..). Also? the first time someone comes to my house.. it... kinda freaks me out.
Part of this comes from the fact that I've received much criticism from family members (some actual.. probably mostly perceived..) on my *ahem* house keeping skills.. or lack there of. Now, yesterday's guest was about as non-threatening as they come.. especially seeing that we've done much giggling over our confessions of being mess-aholics.. domestically challenged.. and that we both have many items in our house that, over the years.. or days.. have become nothing more than 'put-shits' (you know.. it's where you put shit).. like pack 'n plays, or that table in the corner, or that one part of your kitchen counter (or maybe the whole kitchen counter.. depending on 'how things are going in your life at that time').. cause see, we also are both a bit mental. Like both have problems with depression, and ADD, and other such nonsense...
Where was I??
Still, that didn't stop me from freaking out.
Oh my gosh.. she's coming in half an hour and I haven't even done the dishes.. I need to at least do the dishes.. she'll be here about 12:30, is she going to want lunch? should I call her and ask? GOD, I don't want to call her.. I hate calling people.. but we don't really have food.. umm.. there's microwave burritos, and crackers.. and pretzels.. and.. crap, I really need to go to the store! Breathe, Megan. I gotta get the dishes done! GET OUT OF MY WAY JO, I HAVE TO DO THE DISHES. She has a baby.. I need to make sure there isn't anything on the floor that her baby can choke on.. the kittens upstairs! Breathe, Megan. I better gate the stairs.. OH CRAP I DIDN'T CLEAN THE BATHROOM AND SHE'LL BE HERE IN 5 MINUTES! What if they're allergic to cats? What if they just don't LIKE cats?? Crap. I wonder if we can use a credit card and order a pizza.. Breathe, Megan. Oh, I hope she calls and cancels. No, I know we'll have fun.. No, I wish she'd just call and cancel.. JO GET OUT OF THE WAY I HAVE TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM. She's late, maybe she's not coming, maybe she forgot.. do I call her? NO. I don't want to call her. I need to make the kids lunch.. BREATHE. I'll make their lunch and just wait...
We had a great time. We spent about 4 hours just sitting around talking and laughing and watching the babies. We totally lost track of time.. and my throat was parched by the time she left from my vocal expenditures.. She's coming again in a couple weeks.
Excuse me.. I need to go get ready.
Right after I throw up.