How I'm Surviving Being a Mom of 5 Without Murdering Someone

Lots of sex.

What?

How do you think all these kids got here??

Yep, we're talking sex today, folks. I recently read an article that caught my eye in the SexIs online magazine produced by EdenFantasys regarding the much sought after 'female orgasm'.. more on that later (hopefully in a less run-on fashion)..

Seriously though, I find it sad that so many people don't make their sex lives as much of a priority once they become parents. Believe me when I say that I know how difficult it can be to make time/energy/effort to get each other in the mood, get yourself in the mood, and be capable of doing the deed.. but is it not worth it?

As they say, sex is like pizza.. even when it's bad, it's still good!

But there's more to sex than just good or bad, fun or chore, work or play.. it has benefits. As in, health benefits! Sex is good for you, both mentally and physically.

Here are some examples:

• relieves stress. who doesn't need less stress?
  
• boosts your immune system. even just once or twice a week can help your body produce more immunoglobulin A!
  
• burns calories. I know I have extra calories to burn..
  
• improves cardiovascular health. yep, all that huffin' and puffin' does a body good..
  
• boosts self-esteem. who doesn't want to feel better about themselves?
  
• improves intimacy. lets get that oxytocin flowing!
  
• reduces pain. hooray for endorphins!
  
• reduces prostate cancer risk. and cancer sucks.
  
• strengthens pelvic floor muscles. better than kegels!
  
• helps you sleep better. come on.. as parents, we all need better sleep, right?

Now, on occasion, I do hear women answer the question "Isn't it worth it?" with a "No." or "Not really, I'd rather just go to sleep."

It makes me wonder. Are they just not satisfied with their sex lives? If they're not, they should find a way to improve it. Because, sex is important! It's part of who we are.. it's how God made us.

Now, it's becoming more widely known that not all women are 'orgasmic'. Meaning, not all women have orgasms. When asked if they do, women give a variety of responses ranging from 'I can't.' or 'Hardly ever.' to 'I'm not sure.' and 'Yes, definitely!'.

I think it's wonderful that, despite the over abundant mingling of sex and culture, people are opening up more and realizing that a healthy sex life is indeed important. Even in more religious circles, I have noticed that women are more willing to open up to each other and discuss more intimate details to help better their lives in the bedroom. However, I have noticed that a lot of the discussion among women tends to be how to better please her man. And, while I am all for being all you can be in the bedroom, what about you, ladies?? Are you satisfied? Because that should be a priority too, just ask your man. I'm sure he'd agree.

There are a lot of things that are not covered in sex education these days. And while I don't think that everything needs to be covered when teaching our teens about sex, I do think that 1) they need more practical information than they are getting and 2) there needs to be resources for people who do want to find out more about the nuts and bolts of getting it on.

I personally have found the SexIs site interesting, informative, and even funny. Because when you really stop to think about it.. sex is very funny. Another good resource I have enjoyed is TheMarriageBed - for those who might still be feeling shy and would like a Christian perspective on sex and intimacy. So go, read, learn, and then get busy! It's good for you.

Random Tuesday Thoughts - catheters and boils and fevers, oh my!

I like starting the week on a Tuesday. It gives me a chance to clear my mind right out of the gate. Thank you, Keely (go check her out, she's responsible for this nonsense).. but maybe it should be Random Monday Meanderings?? Hmm. Doesn't have the same ring though, does it..

Forgive me if I'm behind, I've hardly been online since Friday. What'd I miss?

So Friday night, all the kids were in bed, and Aman and I snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. It was around 10 that Baby Jo woke up the first time. She was hot (no, not that kind of hot.. you pervs.), but I didn't think much of it since she was wearing a blanket sleeper and the house was fairly warm. I changed her pajamas and Aman rocked her back to sleep. She woke up again when he tried to put her down and she didn't seem to be cooling off at all. We gave her some Tylenol and rocked her to sleep again. This time she woke about an hour later, as our movie was ending. So I went upstairs and took her to bed with me. We barely got any sleep. Aside from the fact that it was like sleeping up against a space heater, she also did little more than roll back and forth, kick, and cry all night long. We got up the next morning and she was obviously rather ill. So I took her temperature and found it was 102.9 (which was actually 103.9 since it was taken under her arm). I gave her some more medicine and we called the doctor.

Aman was rather unhappy and informed me that he'd made plans with Lisa for just us girls to go out for lunch. Very sweet of him, but I wasn't about to leave my baby until I knew what was wrong. Instead, Lisa and I had a date at the local children's ER. Awesome.

Joella was fine. The doctor checked her over and couldn't find anything wrong with her, so they decided to rule out a urinary tract infection by getting a urine sample. With a catheter. How fun.

No urinary tract infection. (Unless they call me today and tell me otherwise.)

Since there was nothing more to be done.. I mooched a bit more off Lisa and had her drive me to Walgreens for ice pops and the gas station to get gas for the mower, joking that if Aman didn't get the lawn done this weekend, we'd surely have the county after us to do it. It was turning into a jungle.

We dropped off the goods, and headed out to lunch at Joe's Crab Shack.

We had a lovely time, lunch, shopping at Best Buy.. then it came time to head home. We were within a mile from Lisa's house and her car (which we knew was on it's last legs.. wheels?) started making a HORRIBLE noise.

Awesome.

Then? She got pulled over. Why? Her recently expired tags.

Awesome.

We waited patiently for the nice man in the blue uniform to give her a lovely ticket and then prayed that we could get the car the rest of the way home.. we may or may not have attempted a faith healing and an exorcism along the way.. I'm not sure. Just saying.

A distant rumble of thunder greeted us when we made it to her house, just barely, and I hopped on her computer to check out the bus schedule and find my ride home while she shared the good news with her husband.

I prepared to make my exit and jokingly said "Wonder if I'll get rained on.. knowing my luck, I bet I will."

I did.

I arrived home, a little soggy, and grabbed the mail on my way in. Jo was in pretty much the same condition I had left her in and I walked over to kiss my husband and handed him the cd and dvds I had purchased for him.. along with the letter from the county saying our yard needed a trim.

Awesome.

Sunday was much better.

Joella's fever was gone, and she was back to her usual trouble making self. I set up the water toys after Aman mowed one side of the lawn and kicked the kids outside to play while I cleaned up my ridiculously dirty house and did eleventybillion loads of laundry and dishes.. Only I didn't get the laundry done and only managed one load of dishes.

But the floors are clean(er).

Monday wasn't bad. The lawn was mowed, the house was clean(er), the baby was back to normal.. and the buses weren't running.. and we hadn't had a chance to go to the store yet.

We got everyone's socks and shoes on and walked up to the store to do the grocery shopping. We managed to beat the rain, which was nice, but Aman was supposed to be working on a project that needed to be done Monday night.. and he'd had little time to work on it all weekend. Nice.

But we got food.

Monday afternoon, I noticed my inner thigh was hurting. At first I though perhaps that I just had some chafing from walking to the store on a warm day in jeans.. but no. I checked it out and thought to myself What the hell is that?? Not so sure.. So I went to show Aman, who never argues about me pulling my pants down in front of him.. and we concluded that it might be a boil. One thing left to do! Look up pictures of skin boils on the internet.

Awesome.

It was a boil. I took care of it. It's pretty much gone now (I say that knowing full well that rather than thinking 'Oh dear, are you okay?' you're actually thinking 'Oh jeez.. why did you tell me that?? Ew!' you're welcome and thank you for your concern.).

What a perfect ending to an awesome three day weekend!

How was yours?

Not entirely happy, not entirely sad or funny either random thoughts for your Tuesday...

Do you know what yesterday marked?? It marked 4 weeks left until we hear who the top 500ish quarterfinalists in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest are.. Yeah. I hope I make the cut. I don't know if I should tell myself 'I am awesome and so is my book and of course I will make it because I'm going to win this bitch..' or if I should just say 'Hey, I finished my dang book and that makes me awesome.. who cares if I win?' Hm.

Anyway, word has it that my writing is way better than that Stephanie Meyers lady who wrote Twilight.. (just ask Amy.. she's read over half my book.. in it's unedited like forgot to check your face in the mirror and didn't know you had a giant booger on your face unedited form).. So, maybe I have a chance? Sure, why not.

Depression is a bitch. (nice transition there, huh?) Have I mentioned I'm a nutcase? I am. Social anxiety, PTSD, depression.. yeah. I has it. Too honest for ya? Suck it. Go read someone else's blog.

But yeah. Depression. It's why I haven't posted in almost a week. So next time, say something. Who knows, you might be saving a life. (kidding... kind of.)

Am better now.

Our home school assistance program teacher is coming today. I'm not super excited about this. Aidan is being a poo-poo head about school lately. I love the boy, but damn... do something other than play with Lego pirate ships, dang it!!! The boy just might be the death of me... I hope his teacher has some kick ass ideas on that.. I'm thinking military school..

We have officially gone from 5 cats to 4 (and despite the fact that we were calling the kittens 'Bacon' and 'Sausage'.. no, we did not eat them for breakfast).. Someone I met on Twitter adopted one.. Bacon, to be more specific. Maybe we should have made him sign an agreement to not eat her for breakfast.. hm. We'll miss her. Sausage is still recovering from a broken tail (thanks to my kids..) but will soon be admitted to her 'forever home'.. Meanwhile, Gizmo and Livvy are busy doing their best to make us some inbred kittens... um, yeah. We had an appointment to get Gizmo's nuts removed, but the no vehicle thing kinda sorta got in the way. Uh oh.

I'm looking forward to only having one cat in my house. Seriously.

I read Walking Dead Vol 9 last night. It kinda sucked. But I hear it's about to get better.. I hope so. I almost fell asleep. Now I need to read the Watchmen. I have to finish it by March 6 because we're supposed to have a date to go see it.. a date? A date. I don't remember the last time we did that.. We might have to get a cab.

I've never ridden in a cab before. I think we should make out in the back seat.

Okay.. I should go dress my children before the teacher gets here. Ta ta.

Fun with SiteMeter: referral of the day? someone googled 'beautiful teenage girl's jugs'.. awesome. Yeah, you know who you are..

10x10 Things Tuesday.. My 100th Post!

So I was mulling, hemming, and hawing over what to do for my 100th post for the last day or two.. Last night I thought to myself.. 'Self, you better hurry up and do that 100th post tonight! Tomorrow is Tuesday.. and you know what that means..' So I wondered.. 'Hm. I wonder. How many 10 Things Tuesday posts have I done? Because, if this is my 10th, then that would make it like.. 100 Things Tuesday.. and how great would that be for my 100th post!'

Well, guess what...

This is my 10th 10 Things Tuesday post. See how clever I am? Stop a moment and appreciate it...

.......

You done? Good. Now.. here are 10 lists for my 10th 10 Things Tuesday.. equaling 100 things for my 100th post.. Enjoy.

10 things I love about Iowa..

1. SNOW! though we aren't getting much this winter.. excuse me while I go cry..
2. neighbors! we actually know our neighbors.. as in, like we know their names! this is a rather novel thing for a Californian.. especially considering we knew them all within a month of moving in. impressive.. I know.
3. home schooling. I know it may sound weird.. but shortly after we left California, it pretty much became illegal for us to home school there.. it's still legal here.
4. 4 seasons.. as in - 4 months of spring, 4 months of summer, 4 months of fall, and 4 months of winter! for real!
   
5. it's slower. case in point? speed limits. the main streets through Folsom had an average speed limit of 50mph. in Des Moines? the average through town speed limit is 30mph. nice.
6. shopping. I can go to Target, on a Saturday, and not walk a mile to get from my car to the door.
7. the malls. I mean.. I'm really *not* much of a shopper.. and I'm no longer a mall-hopper like I was in Jr High.. but HOLY FOOD COURT BATMAN! Have you been to a midwest mall?? the first one we went to was 'the small, old one' in town.. it was like the size of a small city. we got a little lost.
8. it's corny. get it? ha! I kill me.
9. seriously though, we grow enough corn here to feed like... a LOT of people.. but? we make stuff with it. like water bottles and fuel and stuff. corny.
10. the Iowa State Fair! did you know it's on the list of '100 Things to Do Before You Die'? or something like that... morbid, huh? I think it made it on there as a filler 'Hm.. what else can we throw on here, I can't think of anymore..' so... I'm using it as a filler too. I'm awesome.

10 Interruptions I had while I was trying to type up the last list..

1. Ellie wanted chocolate milk.
2. I had a phone call.
3. J wanted me to comment on his blog.
4. Jo wanted chocolate milk.
5. Another phone call.
6. Torrin wanted chocolate milk.
7. Jo fell on her face.
8. Ellie pooped and then claimed to be a mermaid.. 'No, I a mermaid.. I have no poopy. See? I have a tail, no poopy!'
9. Kieran announced he wanted J to stay home from work tomorrow and play Twister.
10. Then I sat and thought about sending the kids to a sitter and having J stay home to play Twister with just me.. clothing optional...

Where was I? oh yeah...

10 Reasons you should read my blog..

1. I write good.
2. I'm funny.
3. It will make you feel better about yourself.. and your life.. and your weather.. maybe.
4. Because I don't mind if you laugh at me instead of with me. I think I'd probably laugh at me..
5. It's highly effective birth control. Trust me.
6. Because you like to look at pictures of my cute kids.
7. Because you have nothing better to do.. and I'm free entertainment.
8. Not that kind of entertainment! Pervs.
9. You need to know where to get free coffee in Des Moines.
10. I'm smarter than the average wombat.
    

10 Things I love about Home Schooling..

1. Flexibility.
2. Tailored learning/teaching.
3. Pajamas.
4. Flexibility.
5. Socialization.
6. Being with my kids!
7. Knowing exactly what they are learning.
8. Knowing whether or not they are 'getting it'.
9. Flexibility.
10. Field Trips!

10 Things I ingested today..

1. coffee.
2. blueberry Eggo waffle.
3. licorice tea.
4. Cars themed Teddy Graham crackers.
5. chocolate caramel pretzels.
6. licorice tea.
7. a microwave burrito.
8. um... something for dinner?
9. hopefully, an alcoholic beverage.
10. maybe some ice cream... maybe not.

10 Things I miss about California.

1. the ocean.
2. my brother and his family.
3. my friend Tonya.
4. the American River.
5. the American River bike trail.
6. Adalbertos
7. In and Out
8. uuummmm....
9. my AWESOME midwives.
   
10. Trader Joe's !!!!!!! *sigh*

10 Reasons we left California..

1. we were watching our credit score get lower and lower.. good for golf, not for credit.
2. HOT.
3. we would never have been able to get a home. (well.. maybe not *never*)
4. lots of work.. not so much pay.
5. did you know that it is now pretty much illegal for us to home school there? yeah.
6. we lived in one house for just over a year.. and never met ANY of our neighbors.
7. the next house? we lived there over a year.. and THEN met them.
8. they were pretty nice though.
9. the TRAFFIC.
10. the expense!

10 States we drove through when we moved here from California..

1. California
2. New Mexico
3. Arizona
4. Texas
5. Oklahoma
6. Kansas
7. Missouri
8. Iowa
9. oh wait.. crap.
10. um... nevermind.

10 Guys I dated in high school..

1. Devon
2. Brayden
3. Kyle
4. Ben
5. Peter
6. Nick
7. Tim
8. Shuan
   
9. Peter again
   
10. Jeremiah

10 Things that were not originally in my house when it was built.

1. the kitchen sink.
2. the toilets.
3. the dishwasher
   
4. the bathtub.
5. the oven/range.
6. the furnace/air conditioner
7. modern electricity
8. some of the doors
9. carpet
10. um.. any other unmentioned indoor plumbing.

Okay, there's my 10 lists for my 100th post.. I hope you enjoyed them! I had planned on telling you the story about how we came to Iowa and all about our '100 year old home' but.. well, instead I gave you some background info as kind of a pre-story teaser.. You're welcome.

idiots on the internet.. not for the faint of heart!

J: "Speaking of leg-humping dogs.. my co-worker told me a funny story the other day.."

I know, I know.. not the conversation you'd expect to have while eating brunch at Cracker Barrel with your best friend (E) and his wife (R) before they fly back to California.. But, what can I say, I married a man with panache. (Yes, I did.. so shaddup.)

J: "So my co-worker knows a lady up north a bit who frequents some of Iowa's illustrious bike trails. One day, she's out on the trail riding and hears a noise, just off the trail, up ahead.. She peeks over as she's passing and there, pretty much out in the open, is a lady who's totally going at it with some dude.. like going way downtown on him. Shocked (and, not to mention a bit disgusted) by her discovery, she just continued on her way and tried to forget what she just saw. She didn't want to let the image linger too long for fear of recognizing them.. it is, after all, a pretty small town. Little did she know, she was in for much worse.."

He paused as the waitress poured more coffee in our mugs and glanced at the kids to make sure they were still ravenously devouring their food (I swear, you'd think we never feed them..) and not paying attention to the boring grown-up talk. He leaned in, lowered his voice a bit, and continued..

J: "So, the next time she's out on the trail, she's passing by the SAME spot and hears noises again. She, rather hesitantly, looks over again as she passes.. only this time she sees a man on all fours with a dog behind him, giving it to him.. well.. doggie style."

R: "No! Are you serious??"

J: "Yes. But wait, it gets better. So when she gets home, she thinks 'That's enough. I need to report this to someone.' So she calls the department of parks and rec or animal control or something, and tells her story. The lady on the other end, a friend of said trail patron, is rather disturbed by the tale at first.. then, she says 'Wait.. what did the dog look like??' So the woman describes the dog to her. 'Oh... gosh. that's MY dog.. um.. shoot... .. What did the man look like?' So she describes the man to her.. 'Oh shit! That's Uncle Bob! Dang it... We told him not to do that in public anymore!'"

(insert shocked laughter here)

R: "No way!"
E: "In public!?! As in 'It's fine at home, Bob.. but please, not in public!'?"
R: "Seriously, who DOES that?? Can the dude not get a girlfriend? or does he just prefer canines?"
Me: "Well.. Some people do.."
J: "True, there's whole p*rn sites dedicated to it. Besides, I guess the guy is a little retarded."
Me: "Um.. yeah. I think you'd have to be to do it in public.. with a DOG."
R: "It really begs the question.. how does one get a dog to DO that??"
Me: "Exactly. I mean, it's not exactly and instinctual behavior.."
R: "Unless, perhaps, he found some way of extracting the scent of a bitch in heat and rubbed it on his nethers.."
J: "Well, apparently it's not TOO hard to figure out.. After all, the guy isn't that bright."
E: "Well, he probably doesn't have to be Einstein. I'm sure any idiot with internet access could figure it out."

Me: "Dude. You just described the entire United States."