Not entirely happy, not entirely sad or funny either random thoughts for your Tuesday...

Do you know what yesterday marked?? It marked 4 weeks left until we hear who the top 500ish quarterfinalists in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest are.. Yeah. I hope I make the cut. I don't know if I should tell myself 'I am awesome and so is my book and of course I will make it because I'm going to win this bitch..' or if I should just say 'Hey, I finished my dang book and that makes me awesome.. who cares if I win?' Hm.

Anyway, word has it that my writing is way better than that Stephanie Meyers lady who wrote Twilight.. (just ask Amy.. she's read over half my book.. in it's unedited like forgot to check your face in the mirror and didn't know you had a giant booger on your face unedited form).. So, maybe I have a chance? Sure, why not.

Depression is a bitch. (nice transition there, huh?) Have I mentioned I'm a nutcase? I am. Social anxiety, PTSD, depression.. yeah. I has it. Too honest for ya? Suck it. Go read someone else's blog.

But yeah. Depression. It's why I haven't posted in almost a week. So next time, say something. Who knows, you might be saving a life. (kidding... kind of.)

Am better now.

Our home school assistance program teacher is coming today. I'm not super excited about this. Aidan is being a poo-poo head about school lately. I love the boy, but damn... do something other than play with Lego pirate ships, dang it!!! The boy just might be the death of me... I hope his teacher has some kick ass ideas on that.. I'm thinking military school..

We have officially gone from 5 cats to 4 (and despite the fact that we were calling the kittens 'Bacon' and 'Sausage'.. no, we did not eat them for breakfast).. Someone I met on Twitter adopted one.. Bacon, to be more specific. Maybe we should have made him sign an agreement to not eat her for breakfast.. hm. We'll miss her. Sausage is still recovering from a broken tail (thanks to my kids..) but will soon be admitted to her 'forever home'.. Meanwhile, Gizmo and Livvy are busy doing their best to make us some inbred kittens... um, yeah. We had an appointment to get Gizmo's nuts removed, but the no vehicle thing kinda sorta got in the way. Uh oh.

I'm looking forward to only having one cat in my house. Seriously.

I read Walking Dead Vol 9 last night. It kinda sucked. But I hear it's about to get better.. I hope so. I almost fell asleep. Now I need to read the Watchmen. I have to finish it by March 6 because we're supposed to have a date to go see it.. a date? A date. I don't remember the last time we did that.. We might have to get a cab.

I've never ridden in a cab before. I think we should make out in the back seat.

Okay.. I should go dress my children before the teacher gets here. Ta ta.

Fun with SiteMeter: referral of the day? someone googled 'beautiful teenage girl's jugs'.. awesome. Yeah, you know who you are..

I have a dream..

I have a dream, that one day...

I will feel like I have a good handle on home schooling my kids..
My house will be neat, tidy... or at least organized?
My kids will do some chores..
Baby Jo will do something other than squeal and grunt.. (there's a reason she's often called 'Piglet')
We will have our own vehicle again..
Life will not feel like it's whizzing past me at a million miles per hour and I will feel like I actually have time to enjoy things..
I will be one of the 'cool kids' in the blogosphere (though just having a few of them comment here is making me feel pretty awesome for now..)..
I will not be either nursing or pregnant.. seriously, 8+ years is long enough!
My feline companions and I will reside peacefully together once more..
I will get another dog, and actually have time for it!
I will also have time to do things like shower, and brush my teeth every day..
My husband won't have to work so much and miss out on so much..
I will publish my book..
I will be able to say 'I am a writer' and not feel silly or feel like I'm lying..
I will start swimming again..
We will look back on today, enjoy and smile at the memories, and thank God that we made it through in one piece...

Happy Martin Luther King Day.. keep dreaming.

Hard Questions...

So, I was over at Kat's place (seriously.. I'm still all jet-lagged and crap! *yawn*) and she did this meme where someone thought up some super hard questions for her to answer. At the end she says 'If you want me to interview you, just say so in your comment.'.. so, like a dope, I said 'Sure! I totally want to be interviewed.'.. heh heh. Just kidding.. she was totally nice with her questions - don't get me wrong, they're not like.. easy or anything.. but it could have been worse, right? Right.

Here goes..

1. Who is your living hero and why?
Gosh.. I'm not one for putting people on pedastals.. The only person who really comes to mind when I think of 'my hero' is my husband. He's been through some serious crap in his life and had to make lots of hard choices.. had to learn to deal with some crazy shit. Sure, he's made some mistakes (haven't we all? I know I have..), but he's always made the right choice in the end. Even when he's tripped along the way, he still manages to get back up, keep on going, and does his best to right his wrongs. He works hard to take good care of his family and anyone else around him. He's constantly putting others before himself and is always willing to lend a hand. He is my provider, my protector, my lover and my friend. He is my hero.

2. Where is your dream vacation destination and why?
This one is pretty easy for me. I'd go to Ireland! I mean really, anyone who has Irish blood pumping through their veins, and hasn't been 'to the old country' or 'to the homeland' WANTS to. It's like.. part of being Irish and stuff. For real. Places I'd want to stop in Ireland? I'd want to check out Dublin, of course. But, more importantly, I'd want to visit County Cork.. That's where my peeps originated and stuff. And I would LOVE to take one of those crazy bus tours and see the castles and the coast and what not.. Yeah, it would need to be a long trip.

3. What would you do if you had a full 24 hours with no kids and no responsibilities?
24 hours with NO kids? and NO responsibilities? Now that is a fantasy.. lol. Umm... Well, I would require that J be present because 24 hours without children would just simply not be worth it if I didn't get to spend it with him. We'd probably engage in such activities as: sleeping in, drinking coffee (maybe even go to our favorite Starbucks), reading comics.. um.. heck, I don't know! go bowling? have a conversation without being interrupted or yelling at each other just to be heard over the noise in the house? heh heh..

4. What chore around the house and which chore do you absolutely despise?
umm... all of them? hm... I guess the dishes.. and picking up. It's boring. I might say floors or bathrooms, but those don't have to be done every. single. day. (sometimes twice.. if I'm feeling particularly un-lazy). I actually enjoy laundry though. I'm kinda weird like that. The only part I don't like about laundry is putting it away. Yeah, I could do without that part. But dishes? and picking up? they're never done.. and they're exhausting.. just ask Ellie.

5. What was your proudest moment?
Gosh.. that's a hard one. I don't have much in my life that I'm proud of. (yeah, yeah.. I have 5 kids and all.. and I'm proud of them.. but pretty much all equally.) duuuh.... Finishing my book? I mean, it's not finished though.. but hey, my first draft is, and that's the hardest part! or maybe my first home birth? That was pretty awesome.. But, like I said, I'm pretty equally proud when it comes to my kids.. hm. Yeah, like I said.. not much to be proud of over here.. move along!

6. What do you think is the secret to a long and happy marriage?
Secret? I don't know that there's any secrets.. I think we all have a pretty good idea of what it takes, it's more a matter of doing what we know we need to do. Maybe requirements for a long and happy marriage? I'd say trust and honesty. And really, they go hand in hand - you can't have trust without honesty, and you can't have honesty without trust. But if you do have trust and honesty, from that grows intimacy. And with intimacy? All kinds of good stuff start to happen.. you are interested in everything about each other, you want to be together, you want to know each other more and more, you want to take care of each other, you want to love each other and share with each other.. Intimacy brings two people together and makes them one. Trust and honesty are the glue that hold a marriage together.

So there's my questions from Kat. I hope you enjoyed reading my answers and didn't poke poke fall asleep or anything. If you'd like me to send you some questions to answer.. let me know!

Adventures in Social Anxiety..

This is one of those posts where I get real... honest. (okay.. maybe not.. but it got your attention right?)

So yesterday, I had scheduled a 'play date' of sorts with a friend of mine. She's a new friend (really.. pretty much all of my friends in Iowa fall into the 'new' category..), someone I met at one of the ladies coffee nights with the Church Ladies. We discovered, rather quickly, that we have a lot in common.. and decided that additional time together was definitely in order.

Now, many people who know me in real life (hello, out there. I see you reading this..) may not believe me when I say this.. but, I am terribly shy. Painfully shy. And, thanks to some clever advertising in the past couple years, I discovered there is a name for this.. Social Anxiety. Anyone who has experienced any form of anxiety knows what it feels like. The heart-pounding-breath-caught-in-the-throat-shaking-palms-sweating-oh-my-gosh-I'm-gonna-die feeling is pretty unmistakable.. though, the first time you feel it you swear someone slipped you something and that surely there is something much worse than 'the A word' going on..

It's at its worst when I'm gearing up to gather with a group of people that I don't know well, or have never met (hello NaNoWriMo people.. I'm so glad to be comfortable around you now..). Also? the first time someone comes to my house.. it... kinda freaks me out.

Part of this comes from the fact that I've received much criticism from family members (some actual.. probably mostly perceived..) on my *ahem* house keeping skills.. or lack there of. Now, yesterday's guest was about as non-threatening as they come.. especially seeing that we've done much giggling over our confessions of being mess-aholics.. domestically challenged.. and that we both have many items in our house that, over the years.. or days.. have become nothing more than 'put-shits' (you know.. it's where you put shit).. like pack 'n plays, or that table in the corner, or that one part of your kitchen counter (or maybe the whole kitchen counter.. depending on 'how things are going in your life at that time').. cause see, we also are both a bit mental. Like both have problems with depression, and ADD, and other such nonsense...

Where was I??

Oh yeah..

Still, that didn't stop me from freaking out.

Oh my gosh.. she's coming in half an hour and I haven't even done the dishes.. I need to at least do the dishes.. she'll be here about 12:30, is she going to want lunch? should I call her and ask? GOD, I don't want to call her.. I hate calling people.. but we don't really have food.. umm.. there's microwave burritos, and crackers.. and pretzels.. and.. crap, I really need to go to the store! Breathe, Megan. I gotta get the dishes done! GET OUT OF MY WAY JO, I HAVE TO DO THE DISHES. She has a baby.. I need to make sure there isn't anything on the floor that her baby can choke on.. the kittens upstairs! Breathe, Megan. I better gate the stairs.. OH CRAP I DIDN'T CLEAN THE BATHROOM AND SHE'LL BE HERE IN 5 MINUTES! What if they're allergic to cats? What if they just don't LIKE cats?? Crap. I wonder if we can use a credit card and order a pizza.. Breathe, Megan. Oh, I hope she calls and cancels. No, I know we'll have fun.. No, I wish she'd just call and cancel.. JO GET OUT OF THE WAY I HAVE TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM. She's late, maybe she's not coming, maybe she forgot.. do I call her? NO. I don't want to call her. I need to make the kids lunch.. BREATHE. I'll make their lunch and just wait...

Ding dong.

We had a great time. We spent about 4 hours just sitting around talking and laughing and watching the babies. We totally lost track of time.. and my throat was parched by the time she left from my vocal expenditures.. She's coming again in a couple weeks.

Excuse me.. I need to go get ready.
Right after I throw up.

I'm beat...

I am utterly exhausted from a very long play date today.. One of my newest friends and her two adorable daughters graced us with their presence for the entire afternoon.. There was much talking, and play-doh, and cat chasing, and giggling.. and I'm..... pooped. (cause what's a post from me without a little doodie..)

So, instead.. go watch my husband eat dirt.. and leave him a comment to cheer him on. And if you want to hear my sultry vocals, watch the pilot video where I interview him on death and evangelism.. Enjoy.

Back to normal..

The husband and I had the pleasure of missing out on the vomiting.

Friday night brought only one incident as Aidan ran to the bathroom, chugged water, tried to go back to bed, went back and chugged more water, and then went back to bed only to throw up all over his bed and floor. I hate puking as much as the next guy (probably more), but to hold it back to the point of never making it where it's supposed to go (he had a bucket right beside his bed still from the night before!).. it gets old.

We had a lovely visit with one of our dearest friends over the weekend. J's best friend since high school flew out from California all spur of the moment like and graced us with his presence for the whole weekend! It was awesome.

We checked out our local history museum and the botanical center, some local eateries, and introduced him to taco pizza (midwest style). He brought some California heat with him and (thank goodness) took it home with him as well. It was near 80 degrees both Saturday and Sunday which made for agreeable weather for wandering around downtown, meandering through the food festival, and hanging out in the park.

Ok, I lied. We had one other hurling incident. But it didn't have to do with the sickness. We decided to grab a quick lunch at McDonald's on Sunday afternoon. Taking up two tables (one for the midget ruffians and one for the more dignified folk), we spread out Happy Meals galore and gladly turned our back to the short people as we enjoyed some overprocessed crap-food and perused our Monopoly game sheet.

As J was pondering a way to figure out the pattern in the codes for the Monopoly game pieces so that he could cheat and win a million dollars, I hear Booger start choking behind me. He had apparently forgotten how to use a straw and had sucked some Sprite down the wrong pipe. I suppose the thought did not occur to his 4 year old mind that attempting to eat a chicken nugget was perhaps not such a good idea while his body was rather forcefully trying to expel soda from his wind pipe.. or perhaps he was just that hungry. At any rate, the coughing and choking increased in strength.

"Oh crap.." I muttered under my breath.
"What?" J turns around and sees what's about to happen. He stands up and tries to reach around Torrin to grab the empty Happy Meal bag so he could shove it in his face as Torrin grips his mouth with his hands and tries to stop coughing with a mouth full of half chewed quasi-food. And then? His face exploded. The look on Baby Jo's face (who was the unfortunate sibling sitting beside him and, at the moment, facing him) was classic.. shock and disgust. What the heck just happened? But J.. he was far worse off. While Jo had only a minor spray across her and her high chair, poor J took a much worse hit. Or, I should say, The Beard took a far worse hit. Little chunks dangling about all over his lovely locks of facial forest. What a sight.

To top it all off? They had those stupid air dryers in the bathroom = no paper towels. Yay napkins.

I sat back down across from our childless comrade after the clean up. "How's that for making you want to have kids?"

Yeah.. so glad things are back to normal!

'He started it!!'

If there's one reason I look forward to my kids growing up, it's vomit. (Yeah, it's a really LONG post about barf.. you may want to skip this one..)

Seriously, anyone who's been through an illness that involves regurgitation with a child too young to make it to the toilet/bucket/whatever will understand that. Yuck.

So Tuesday... We had our meeting with our teacher from the homeschool assistance program and not long after, Monkey starts complaining that his stomach hurts.

"Do you mean you feel like you're going to throw up? or does it just hurt?"
"It just huuurrrts."

A few trips to the bathroom and light snacks later, he finally hurls. In the toilet. YAY!! God bless you, my boy. You can get a stomach virus any time you want. He laid around on the couch for the rest of the day and just rested, having nothing but the occasional sip of water as prescribed by doctor mom. He was up and bouncing off the walls and eating everything in sight by Wednesday morning. And everyone else seemed good too..

Then Thursday came. J was feeling nasty and decided to stay home, knowing that if he went to work, he'd likely end up just coming back.. and get asked 'If you're not feeling well, why did you come in?' Cause I guess people in Iowa like.. don't go to work when they're sick or something.. hm. Weird.

J camps out in the office for the day, feeling crappy and wishing he could just yak and get it over with. No success. The kids and I head off to gymnastics, nearly missing Torrin's class thanks to some poorly marked detours - because if it's not winter, there's construction EVERYWHERE here and one intersection about a block before the gym creates an extra 20 minute detour.

We go home after gymnastics and J makes eggs and bacon for dinner. We're hanging out in the living room, enjoying our newly reinstated digital cable, and Punkin starts whining and grunting. I inform him that if he needs to puke, he better get his butt in the bathroom. He runs back and forth a couple times and then finally blows chunks while standing in the bathroom with his hand on the toilet lid. Nice. I hand him some paper towels and remind him again that it needs to go in the toilet. I then have the audacity to inform him that I don't want him eating dinner. He throws a fit and I propose a compromise of allowing him some toast. He sits on the couch and nibbles his toast... and then sneaks a piece of bacon. Which soon reappears on the couch cushions (again, so happy I have pleather couches) and in his hands. Yuck. He then agrees to not eating anymore.

Bedtime.

Torrin walks up the stairs, informing all who are listening that "I kept barfing and barfing and barfing..."

The boys are tucked in, the train tracks are pushed aside to clear a path to the door for anyone who may need to run to the bathroom, and a bucket is placed next to the head of Torrin's bed. As we're setting everything up and waiting for them to go potty and get into bed, my sweet little Cupcake looses her lunch (er.. dinner) on the boys floor. Oh, goody. Eggs, bacon, toast, and breastmilk on the carpet. I put her in the bathtub and grab a towel to clean up the mess. Mess is wiped up and boys are in bed. Good night.

I take the girls to their room and get them ready for bed. Princess is tucked into bed and I stand in the middle of the room rocking the baby to sleep.. Begging her big sister to stop talking to me and asking me questions and just GO TO SLEEP. Baby Jo is just barely nodding off and I feel her stomach start to lurch. Sheesh.

I inform Ellie that I'm taking Jo downstairs to rock her to sleep and I'll be back up to check on her. Once Jo is finally asleep, I put her in the crib and sit with Ellie until she falls asleep. I then go curl up under a blanket on the couch to watch some John Stewart. It's not long though, before my baby is up again.. pukes a little more and then insists on nursing. I let her nurse and she's out like a light. Once she's back in her crib, I decide I better get some sleep.. anticipating a LONG night ahead.

Boy, was I right.

Shortly after midnight, Princess barfs all over herself and her bed and starts crying.. J comes downstairs from the office to tend to her and of course little Cupcake is woken by her crying. I take her to bed with me to let her nurse a little more in hopes that she'll just go back to sleep. J gets Ellie into the shower and starts stripping her bed. J got her cleaned up and back to bed and then offered to rock the baby back to sleep so I could get some rest. Jo's response, of course, is to wretch all over the floor and his shoe. As he's busy cleaning that up, I hear Aidan head to the bathroom for his turn. Again.. missed the toilet. All over the lid, back of the toilet, and floor. (By the way, they'd all had red kool aid and their puke was a nice shade of pink.. thought you'd like to know that.) So we get him into the shower and then Ellie is up for round two. More in her hair, since she decided to just let it out while laying on her back in bed. Nice. Back to the shower. We change the bed again, get them cleaned up and back to bed, and I head downstairs to sit with J while he gets the baby to sleep. He puts her to bed and we soon drag ourselves up to our own bed as well.. sometime around 1am.

Through the night, Booger vomited a few more times.. some in the bucket, some in the bed. He'd just go back to sleep and end up rolling in it.. Once I think between 2 and 3am he woke up enough for us to take him in the bathroom, get his nasty jammies off, and give him a little washcloth bath.

Later Princess threw up in her sleep again, waking the baby.. again.. and then just fell back asleep when I went in to take Jo. Who, thank heavens, just nursed back to sleep and slept next to me in bed.

I think I slept a little last night.. I'm not sure though. I don't really remember.

Guess I'm just a bad apple after all..

Lately? I feel like Lord of the Flies. Lady? No, Lord sounds cooler.

Seriously, our house has been inundated with flies for MONTHS. It is utterly ridiculous. I'm about to lose my ever loving mind. I can NOT figure out where these stupid flies are reproducing. Yes, reproducing. The most annoying part of it, right now, is that there are little bitty baby flies EVERYWHERE.

Don't flies start out as maggots? I don't see any maggots...

Is it the litter box? Is it the cloth diaper 'dirty pail'? Is it that mountain (that seems to grow as fast as I can knock it down) of dirty dishes in the sink? Is there rotten food hiding in there? Is it because of Wizmo's potty training issues? Is there some dead thing hiding somewhere in my house that I don't know about? Wouldn't that cause a smell too? Is it the kids? The mounds of laundry that make my floors look more like rolling hills? Is it my husband? Me? My toothbrush? Did someone just fart? Am I up to 20 questions yet? No? Now? No? Should I ask a few more? Are you even reading anymore? No? Dang.

Well, since no one is even reading anymore..

I swear I'm not that bad of a housekeeper.. Am I? Sure, I go through what I like to call 'phases' of being more dirty than usual.. but not to the point that my home should become an insect love nest. I suppose the fact that I'm afraid to do ALL the dishes because I just don't know what might be lurking in the bottom of the 'dirty side' of my sink should have me concerned.. The 'clean side' isn't so bad.. I mean, I wash the diapers at least once a week (usually more like every 2-3 days).. Perhaps my kids are just leaving random bits of fruit around to rot and thus attracting these nasty bugs that way.. Hell, I don't know.. I just don't get it.

We've put up the sticky paper and there's LOTS of dead flies on it.. and still, they reproduce. These things are worse than rabbits. The one effective method I've found for killing the babies? (One just flew by my head..)Leave out some booze (doesn't matter what kind.. beer, wine, liquor.. I find dark beer or red wine work very well), just a little in the bottom of the bottle, can, or glass and they will flock to it and drink themselves to death. Still not good enough though.

I don't even want to think about how many we might be eating in our sleep..

I'm starting to think I must smell like a ginormous walking cow pie or something because I feel like I live in a swarm of 'fruit flies'. Does that make me more like a piece of rotten fruit?

how to go through multiple rolls of paper towels in one afternoon and other ways of destroying the earth single handedly..

So yesterday while I was busy posting away all my mushy gushy feelings of adoration for the youngest of my offspring, my older children (more specifically, the ones with wieners) were occupying themselves in the kitchen with a train set and a bottle of maple syrup. Yes, maple syrup. A little reminder of why I should not be blogging at all? Perhaps.

When the cat's away.. the mice will play.

As I finished adding pictures and publishing my post, I realized that it was 2 something in the afternoon and my hair was still crispy from my post-shower mousse. Oops. I got up to go brush it out and noticed, as I peeked in the kitchen at my darling little dirt wearing dudes (seriously, if they were naked I probably wouldn't know.. I think they might be borrowing dirt from other yards.. there can't be that much in ours), some brown puddles had appeared on the floor and train tracks. Oh, crud.. Princess must have leaked something on the floor from her body... what could it be.. Then I smelled it. What the?... Yeah. Maple syrup. About half a bottle of it.

I'm so glad that I'm always so calm and collected.. cool as a cucumber. I never lose it with my kids.. Um. Yeah. I screamed at them and accused them of being the proud owners of malfunctioning gray matter. Then informed them that they were the lucky winners of a roll of paper towels and suggested that they get their butts in gear and put it to good use cleaning up their mess. Wow.. they are really impressive in their cleaning skills! Not.

I ended up helping.

The floor is still sticky.

And my hair is still crispy.