Wordless Wednesday

How I'm Surviving Being a Mom of 5 Without Murdering Someone

Lots of sex.

What?

How do you think all these kids got here??

Yep, we're talking sex today, folks. I recently read an article that caught my eye in the SexIs online magazine produced by EdenFantasys regarding the much sought after 'female orgasm'.. more on that later (hopefully in a less run-on fashion)..

Seriously though, I find it sad that so many people don't make their sex lives as much of a priority once they become parents. Believe me when I say that I know how difficult it can be to make time/energy/effort to get each other in the mood, get yourself in the mood, and be capable of doing the deed.. but is it not worth it?

As they say, sex is like pizza.. even when it's bad, it's still good!

But there's more to sex than just good or bad, fun or chore, work or play.. it has benefits. As in, health benefits! Sex is good for you, both mentally and physically.

Here are some examples:

• relieves stress. who doesn't need less stress?
  
• boosts your immune system. even just once or twice a week can help your body produce more immunoglobulin A!
  
• burns calories. I know I have extra calories to burn..
  
• improves cardiovascular health. yep, all that huffin' and puffin' does a body good..
  
• boosts self-esteem. who doesn't want to feel better about themselves?
  
• improves intimacy. lets get that oxytocin flowing!
  
• reduces pain. hooray for endorphins!
  
• reduces prostate cancer risk. and cancer sucks.
  
• strengthens pelvic floor muscles. better than kegels!
  
• helps you sleep better. come on.. as parents, we all need better sleep, right?

Now, on occasion, I do hear women answer the question "Isn't it worth it?" with a "No." or "Not really, I'd rather just go to sleep."

It makes me wonder. Are they just not satisfied with their sex lives? If they're not, they should find a way to improve it. Because, sex is important! It's part of who we are.. it's how God made us.

Now, it's becoming more widely known that not all women are 'orgasmic'. Meaning, not all women have orgasms. When asked if they do, women give a variety of responses ranging from 'I can't.' or 'Hardly ever.' to 'I'm not sure.' and 'Yes, definitely!'.

I think it's wonderful that, despite the over abundant mingling of sex and culture, people are opening up more and realizing that a healthy sex life is indeed important. Even in more religious circles, I have noticed that women are more willing to open up to each other and discuss more intimate details to help better their lives in the bedroom. However, I have noticed that a lot of the discussion among women tends to be how to better please her man. And, while I am all for being all you can be in the bedroom, what about you, ladies?? Are you satisfied? Because that should be a priority too, just ask your man. I'm sure he'd agree.

There are a lot of things that are not covered in sex education these days. And while I don't think that everything needs to be covered when teaching our teens about sex, I do think that 1) they need more practical information than they are getting and 2) there needs to be resources for people who do want to find out more about the nuts and bolts of getting it on.

I personally have found the SexIs site interesting, informative, and even funny. Because when you really stop to think about it.. sex is very funny. Another good resource I have enjoyed is TheMarriageBed - for those who might still be feeling shy and would like a Christian perspective on sex and intimacy. So go, read, learn, and then get busy! It's good for you.

Operation World Domination

I had planned on posting about our date night last weekend.. But by the time I got all the pictures and what not uploaded, my kids needed my attention more than my blog did. So here is a brief pictorial update from the ChurchPunkHouse instead...

In honor of J's beard turning 1 year old on Tuesday, one of his co-workers presented this picture (for those of you who've been with me a while, you may remember it from Dress Like J Day and my appreciation for senior humor) .

He still hasn't decided exactly what he's going to do now.. The last three days, however, nothing has changed. Same Uniform, same enormous mass of fuzz protruding from his face.. same plans for World Domination...

*Sigh.*



Aidan is thinking this World Domination thing may not be his cup of tea after all.. He's finding it a bit frustrating, to be honest.









This makes Jo giggle.. a lot. She thinks Aidan is a sissy and works very hard at achieving her father's dream. She wants to make J proud.. Such a Daddy's Girl.






World Domination... Exhausting work. Right Torrin?







Kieran is sure thinks he has it all figured out though. I'm not sure what he's got up his sleeve, but he gave me a shopping list the other day that I could barely read and mumbled something about fruit loops, bacon salt, and duct tape.. oh, and marshmallows.. lots and lots of marshmallows.. Hmmm...





As far as Eliana is concerned.. Well, we just try our best to keep her happy. Sometimes, I swear, that girl is just not right. She seems a bit.. off.

But don't worry too much about Aidan.. He still thinks his dad is "AWESOME!!"

Random Tuesday Thoughts: My Brain Hurts and I'm a Loser

Yesterday was March 16. On February 9, when I flung my manuscript into the hands of Amazon and CreateSpace with wild abandon, I was informed that I would receive an email 'on or about' March 16 informing me of whether or not my book would advance to the quarter finals of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest.

The contestants gathered, as they have for the past few months, on the Amazon discussion boards and counted down the hours and minutes until the moment when we might get word of our doom successes.

J and I checked on and off through the evening.. no word.

We put the kids to bed.. no word.

We watched Terminator 2.. no word.

We picked our noses and scratched our butts.. no word.

We tried to solve the mystery of The Strange Sound in the Floorboards.. no word.

J ran around the house in his wife beater with a wooden spoon to check for intruders.. no word.

Jo woke up and J rocked her back to sleep while we watched a few more episodes of How I Met Your Mother.. no word.

So the baby was back in bed.. and we were exhausted. We closed up the Amazon Unbox and got ready to turn the computer monitor off and figured 'what the hell.. may as well check one more time..' I had an email from Amazon! It was 'This weeks top 10... deals on HDTV!'

oh, and then there was this other one..

The Zombies awoke to find their formerly limber and agile bodies decaying.

Status of your Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Entry

Megan,

Thank you for participating in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. We received thousands of submissions and were impressed with the incredible talent and creativity demonstrated by participating authors this year. We were therefore had to make some very difficult decisions. We regret to inform you that you have not been selected to move forward in the contest.

Your Excerpt was reviewed by two Amazon Vine Reviewers, however, and their feedback will be made available to you via your CreateSpace ABNA Dashboard in the coming weeks.  You will receive an e-mail from CreateSpace to let you know when these reviews are available.

Best of luck with your novel,
ABNA Admin Team

I cried.

No I didn't. The first time I read it, I actually didn't realize that I had made it through the first round. You see 'Your excerpt was reviewed by two Amazon Vine Reviewers, however, and their feedback will be made available blah blah blah why am I typing this you just read it..' means that I had made the first cut from the pitch review into the top 2000 out of possible 10000 entries. Yet, when my excerpt was reviewed, it did not make the cut from 2000 to the 500 quarter finalists. Boo.

They found that despite their deathly state, the zombies could move.

S'all good though. This means I have a good pitch, which is very encouraging because it was the first pitch I'd ever written and only spent 2 hours on it.. only.

Anyway.


Today is Saint Patrick's Day. I'm wearing green. We had green toast for breakfast and green peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.. I will soon begin the preparation of some tastylicious corned beef and cabbage for dinner. YUM. I'm looking forward to it.



There was only one thing that kept over-powering their wills to lead normal and sometimes better lives; flesh!

We had a crazy busy weekend. I went to hang out with my friend Lisa last Thursday and giggle over wine glasses.. then she and her hubby came over to our place on Friday night to.. well, pretty much do the same only with different alcoholic beverages. Saturday we had a date night during which we wore bibs, whacked glowing balls, consumed beverages involving pop rocks, and checked out the ass stance.. more on that later. Sunday involved a trip to the old sanctuary (haven't been to church in weeks!) and then pizza and bowling with family and friends. Was all AWESOME.

So today I has been busy. Busy researching agents to query and taking down notes on what I need to do to spruce up my excerpt. I have also joined Authonomy.com and put my first 5 chapters up there. Feel free to check it out and tell me it sucks (just be aware that my posse might hunt you down if you ain't respectful).

Joan was among the living, but now she is simply rotting flesh craving the flesh of the living, only creating a paradox that will destroy the living.

Kieran decided to give himself a hair cut last week.. I believe it was on Thursday. He was tired of us saying we would give him a hair cut, calling him shaggy and what not.. so he took matters into his own hands. He, joined by his 5yo brother Torrin, went upstairs and pulled out the hair cutting scissors and went to work. Torrin was kind enough to 'tell him where to cut' as he got all snip happy with his head. The end result could have been a lot worse.. I suppose..




Don't worry... I did touch it up before soccer Wednesday night.. oh, hey.. I guess it was Wednesday not Thursday. My bad.

Torrin wants me to buy him a new Thomas and Deisel DVD.. He says: "Maybe it costs a hudred bucks.. but I don't think so. Maybe it just costs a little bucks."

I guess I should go like.. exercise or something..

Not entirely happy, not entirely sad or funny either random thoughts for your Tuesday...

Do you know what yesterday marked?? It marked 4 weeks left until we hear who the top 500ish quarterfinalists in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest are.. Yeah. I hope I make the cut. I don't know if I should tell myself 'I am awesome and so is my book and of course I will make it because I'm going to win this bitch..' or if I should just say 'Hey, I finished my dang book and that makes me awesome.. who cares if I win?' Hm.

Anyway, word has it that my writing is way better than that Stephanie Meyers lady who wrote Twilight.. (just ask Amy.. she's read over half my book.. in it's unedited like forgot to check your face in the mirror and didn't know you had a giant booger on your face unedited form).. So, maybe I have a chance? Sure, why not.

Depression is a bitch. (nice transition there, huh?) Have I mentioned I'm a nutcase? I am. Social anxiety, PTSD, depression.. yeah. I has it. Too honest for ya? Suck it. Go read someone else's blog.

But yeah. Depression. It's why I haven't posted in almost a week. So next time, say something. Who knows, you might be saving a life. (kidding... kind of.)

Am better now.

Our home school assistance program teacher is coming today. I'm not super excited about this. Aidan is being a poo-poo head about school lately. I love the boy, but damn... do something other than play with Lego pirate ships, dang it!!! The boy just might be the death of me... I hope his teacher has some kick ass ideas on that.. I'm thinking military school..

We have officially gone from 5 cats to 4 (and despite the fact that we were calling the kittens 'Bacon' and 'Sausage'.. no, we did not eat them for breakfast).. Someone I met on Twitter adopted one.. Bacon, to be more specific. Maybe we should have made him sign an agreement to not eat her for breakfast.. hm. We'll miss her. Sausage is still recovering from a broken tail (thanks to my kids..) but will soon be admitted to her 'forever home'.. Meanwhile, Gizmo and Livvy are busy doing their best to make us some inbred kittens... um, yeah. We had an appointment to get Gizmo's nuts removed, but the no vehicle thing kinda sorta got in the way. Uh oh.

I'm looking forward to only having one cat in my house. Seriously.

I read Walking Dead Vol 9 last night. It kinda sucked. But I hear it's about to get better.. I hope so. I almost fell asleep. Now I need to read the Watchmen. I have to finish it by March 6 because we're supposed to have a date to go see it.. a date? A date. I don't remember the last time we did that.. We might have to get a cab.

I've never ridden in a cab before. I think we should make out in the back seat.

Okay.. I should go dress my children before the teacher gets here. Ta ta.

Fun with SiteMeter: referral of the day? someone googled 'beautiful teenage girl's jugs'.. awesome. Yeah, you know who you are..

how to go through multiple rolls of paper towels in one afternoon and other ways of destroying the earth single handedly..

So yesterday while I was busy posting away all my mushy gushy feelings of adoration for the youngest of my offspring, my older children (more specifically, the ones with wieners) were occupying themselves in the kitchen with a train set and a bottle of maple syrup. Yes, maple syrup. A little reminder of why I should not be blogging at all? Perhaps.

When the cat's away.. the mice will play.

As I finished adding pictures and publishing my post, I realized that it was 2 something in the afternoon and my hair was still crispy from my post-shower mousse. Oops. I got up to go brush it out and noticed, as I peeked in the kitchen at my darling little dirt wearing dudes (seriously, if they were naked I probably wouldn't know.. I think they might be borrowing dirt from other yards.. there can't be that much in ours), some brown puddles had appeared on the floor and train tracks. Oh, crud.. Princess must have leaked something on the floor from her body... what could it be.. Then I smelled it. What the?... Yeah. Maple syrup. About half a bottle of it.

I'm so glad that I'm always so calm and collected.. cool as a cucumber. I never lose it with my kids.. Um. Yeah. I screamed at them and accused them of being the proud owners of malfunctioning gray matter. Then informed them that they were the lucky winners of a roll of paper towels and suggested that they get their butts in gear and put it to good use cleaning up their mess. Wow.. they are really impressive in their cleaning skills! Not.

I ended up helping.

The floor is still sticky.

And my hair is still crispy.

The Amazing Wiz-Kitty

J rolled out of bed at some horrible unmentionable hour this morning and while contemplating how to end world hunger and stop global warming he stumbled across the hall to the bathroom.. only tripping on 235 toys along the way. Yes, my husband is so brilliantly awesome that his first thoughts in the morning revolve around how he'll spend the day saving the world.. hey, it makes up for the fact that by some time in early afternoon (usually after his work out..) they turn to plots of world domination.

So he groggily steps up to the piss-pot for his morning tinkle, carefully takes aim in his early morning visual haze, and lets loose.. seconds later..

*thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thump.... splash*

Stunned, he watches as BabyCat comes stampeding into the bathroom and launches himself straight between J's legs, through the stream of urine, and into the toilet.. while J is still going. He quickly realizes that said kitten can not get himself out of the toilet (should have just flushed him.. darn, no more tiny claws scaling my leg!). Still confused by the whole incident, J scoops the kitten out of the toilet and turns on the shower. No, BabyCat does not enjoy cold showers. Oops. J turns the hot water on so as to avoid a case of feline hypothermia and finishes rinsing him off. He then spent a good portion of his morning rubbing him with a towel to get him dry and warm again, wondering what on earth this tiny creature found so appealing about him taking an early morning wiz.. Was it the splashing sound? The manly smell of J's urine - perhaps it awoke the inner lion's desire to dominate? Does he prefer toilets to litter pans and really needed to go (oh, how I wish)? Or did he just really want to have an early morning swim? We may never know..