Thursday, January 8, 2009

Adventures in Social Anxiety..

This is one of those posts where I get real... honest. (okay.. maybe not.. but it got your attention right?)

So yesterday, I had scheduled a 'play date' of sorts with a friend of mine. She's a new friend (really.. pretty much all of my friends in Iowa fall into the 'new' category..), someone I met at one of the ladies coffee nights with the Church Ladies. We discovered, rather quickly, that we have a lot in common.. and decided that additional time together was definitely in order.

Now, many people who know me in real life (hello, out there. I see you reading this..) may not believe me when I say this.. but, I am terribly shy. Painfully shy. And, thanks to some clever advertising in the past couple years, I discovered there is a name for this.. Social Anxiety. Anyone who has experienced any form of anxiety knows what it feels like. The heart-pounding-breath-caught-in-the-throat-shaking-palms-sweating-oh-my-gosh-I'm-gonna-die feeling is pretty unmistakable.. though, the first time you feel it you swear someone slipped you something and that surely there is something much worse than 'the A word' going on..

It's at its worst when I'm gearing up to gather with a group of people that I don't know well, or have never met (hello NaNoWriMo people.. I'm so glad to be comfortable around you now..). Also? the first time someone comes to my house.. it... kinda freaks me out.

Part of this comes from the fact that I've received much criticism from family members (some actual.. probably mostly perceived..) on my *ahem* house keeping skills.. or lack there of. Now, yesterday's guest was about as non-threatening as they come.. especially seeing that we've done much giggling over our confessions of being mess-aholics.. domestically challenged.. and that we both have many items in our house that, over the years.. or days.. have become nothing more than 'put-shits' (you know.. it's where you put shit).. like pack 'n plays, or that table in the corner, or that one part of your kitchen counter (or maybe the whole kitchen counter.. depending on 'how things are going in your life at that time').. cause see, we also are both a bit mental. Like both have problems with depression, and ADD, and other such nonsense...

Where was I??

Oh yeah..

Still, that didn't stop me from freaking out.

Oh my gosh.. she's coming in half an hour and I haven't even done the dishes.. I need to at least do the dishes.. she'll be here about 12:30, is she going to want lunch? should I call her and ask? GOD, I don't want to call her.. I hate calling people.. but we don't really have food.. umm.. there's microwave burritos, and crackers.. and pretzels.. and.. crap, I really need to go to the store! Breathe, Megan. I gotta get the dishes done! GET OUT OF MY WAY JO, I HAVE TO DO THE DISHES. She has a baby.. I need to make sure there isn't anything on the floor that her baby can choke on.. the kittens upstairs! Breathe, Megan. I better gate the stairs.. OH CRAP I DIDN'T CLEAN THE BATHROOM AND SHE'LL BE HERE IN 5 MINUTES! What if they're allergic to cats? What if they just don't LIKE cats?? Crap. I wonder if we can use a credit card and order a pizza.. Breathe, Megan. Oh, I hope she calls and cancels. No, I know we'll have fun.. No, I wish she'd just call and cancel.. JO GET OUT OF THE WAY I HAVE TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM. She's late, maybe she's not coming, maybe she forgot.. do I call her? NO. I don't want to call her. I need to make the kids lunch.. BREATHE. I'll make their lunch and just wait...

Ding dong.

We had a great time. We spent about 4 hours just sitting around talking and laughing and watching the babies. We totally lost track of time.. and my throat was parched by the time she left from my vocal expenditures.. She's coming again in a couple weeks.

Excuse me.. I need to go get ready.
Right after I throw up.



Amy said...

did you do this the first time i came over to your house? some how i think you did.

ChurchPunkMom said...

i did. :) just not as bad.. cause, you know, we were going for a walk.

Ron said...

I have to share this with my wife - she will totally understand.

Kat said...

I do the same thing and I don't even have social anxiety.

Anonymous said...

I don't even have a house to run and I get like this when people come over. Currently, I'm trying to think of something to blog about in efforts to not make three phone calls I need to make today that will inevitably lead to their answering machines.
I love reading your blog, Megan!

Mama Dawg said...

Well if his is true, good for you for at least going forth. I'd be too chicken shit to have the mom over. The kids yes, the mom, no.

Irish Gumbo said...

So it has a name, does it? Huh. After all these years I finally know what to call it when I get that way. Amazing!

I learned a new cool phrase today: 'put-shits'. AWESOMESAUCE!

And the ADD, depression schtuff? Dahling, all that means is that you are a human being. And that's cool.

And please don't barf.

Captain Dumbass said...

Sounds like Steenky.

PS. Where's the ink?

ChurchPunkMom said...

CK: yes, do. I love hearing from people who can relate.. it makes me feel like less of a freak. ;)

Kat: maybe you just have guest anxiety? ;)

BTE: You can always do a meme! ;) and thank you, I enjoy reading your blog too, Jill.

MD: lol.. that's pretty much how I feel.. I'd usually rather babysit than entertain!

IG: yeah, we're thinking we might invent designated 'put-shits'.. I think we might have a pretty good market for them. ;) .. and i'll try not to barf.. too much.

CD: yes, we are SO very much alike.. it's kind of scary sometimes. ;) I promise we'll make a video for you or something when we have our little slumber party this summer. (and the ink is in your inbox)

Anonymous said...

I always hope they phone and cancel too. Not just when they come over, but if we're going out to lunch, or if I have to go over to their place. I'll admit I've actually called to cancel with some lame-ass excuse just because I didn't want to put the effort into it. Come to think of it, I may be slightly antisocial. Hmmm.

Lisa said...

You didn't really barf, did you? I want to set up another play date (it's more for us than the kids anyway). We've just been so sick. Now I have some sort of weird infection and fever and all the fun crap.

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